I'm off to celebrate my cousin's nuptials in London, England. That's right, my California cousin has gone all Madonna and is marrying a nice British chap. No doubt she'll be adopting kids from Africa soon. But that's another blog post.
If I have your surface mailing address, your Christmas card this year will be postmarked from across The Pond. If you want to be on my surface mailing list, send me your whereabouts at rohrblogger(at)gmail(dot)com.
For now enjoy Thanksgiving, and I'll list at ya later...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Sorry about the huge empty space in this post! Apparently Blogger doesn't like my table code...
Stripper Name Generator
Pick one from Column A, one from Column B, and one from Column C. You'll be paying the rent with your pole skills in no time. Click here to begin...
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 8:35 AM
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Top Ten Relationship Quotes
10. "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
9. "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."
8. "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
7. "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
6. "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
5. "Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
4. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
3. "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
2. "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
And the number one relationship quote...
1. "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
And the alternates...
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading."
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 6:53 AM
Monday, November 05, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
Top Ten Signs Jason's Computer has the Storm Superworm
10. Have to type wearing a surgical mask, gloves, and condom
9. Profits at online gambling houses plummet
8. More pop-ups than Whac-a-Mole
7. Constant stream of hairless Asian midget porn replaced with Blue Screen of Death
6. BIOS corrupted
5. E-mail now distributed by smoke signals and cave paintings
4. ISSE.exe subroutine 30% slower
3. Have to read Britney news in archaic newspaper form
2. Fine operating system normally booted replaced with Folger's Crystals
And the number one sign Jason's computer has the Storm superworm...
1. Use of Computer Bat up 75%
And the alternates...
Will have to resort to actually speaking with friends and family soon
About to get fired for sending Amway Party Evites from work
Blog now updated once every election year
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 6:12 AM