Top Ten Country Songs for Cyberspace
10. It's Over Cuz I Caught Him Swapping GIFS with My Best Friend
9. You Done Ripped Out My NT-1 and Stomped that Sucker Flat
8. She's the Shemale of My Email and the Breaker of My Heart
7. You FTP-ed Up Our Love so I Crawled into a Bottle
6. Let's Get Drunk and Raise a Little HTML
5. I've Got Hot Java for You but No Hits on My Heart
4. I've Deleted Your Bookmark from the Hotlist of My Heart
3. I Designed Your Homepage, She Changed My Life
2. I Tried Your Site Tonight, but You Weren't There
And the number one country song for cyberspace
1. When I Met You in that Chat Room, You Swore You Was a Girl
And the alternate...
I Google Your Yahoo and You Excite MySpace
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Top Ten Country Songs for Cyberspace
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Today's list was stolen wholesale from Lemon Drop.
Top Ten Annoying Couple Types
10. The Newly Engaged - No one has ever been as happy as they are! And don't worry, their wedding is SO not going to be like all those other weddings. It's going to be special...and the only one that either of them will ever have, for sure
9. The Karaoke Couple - Same bar, same songs, same night, every week. These two should take their act on the road...to hell
8. The Fight Club - There is nothing that won't start an argument between them. They would break up or get divorced if only they knew how to live without the pleasure of hating each other every day
7. The Love Birds - They think they invented love and they want to share it with anyone within eye-shot. Gross. Get a room. No one needs to see that. They become number ten
6. The Newly Married Who Think They've Really Got Marriage Figured Out; and oh boy, have they got relationship advice for you - thoughtful, charming, deeply self-satisfied advice that absolutely will not make you want to projectile vomit into their sincere faces
5. The Tourist Couple - Do not lock eyes with them. They will ask you where they are, where they're going, how to get there and why it has to be so complicated. Then they will ask you to take their picture
4. The Couple Making Out at the Bar - You could tell them to get a room but it would not do you any good. Whatever room they are currently in is the room
3. The Parents of Each Other - She calls him "Daddy" and he calls her "Momma" and nobody wants to be caught in that parent trap
2. The Twins - Studies suggest that the longer couples are together, the more they begin to look alike. But when you start to look less like a woman and more like your husband's teenage son, it's time for an affair
And the number one annoying couple type...
1. The Strobe Lights - They love each other, they love each other not. They love each other, they love each other not. This relationship does not need counseling, it needs a clapper
And the alternates...
The Power Couple - Power jobs, power looks, power money. These couples would be more annoying were it not for the spectacularly humiliating power break-ups that inevitably follow
The Bar Flys Who Like to Think They Are a Power Couple - Is that a successful relationship you smell? No, it's Axe Body Spray and Newports
The Couple Who Does Not Know They Are About to Get Divorced Because He's Gay and She's Addicted to Painkillers - They will find out soon enough, but until then the tension between them will strip the paint off the walls wherever they go. Best to put on a gas mask if you see them coming
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 10:30 AM
Monday, February 22, 2010
Top Ten Surprises in Andrew Young's book about John Edwards
10. John once hiked the Appalachian Trail with Mark Sanford
9. Elizabeth's hard drinking and honkey-tonk chemo-fueled 2am madness drove John into the arms of another
8. Rielle Hunter has a secret family with Eliot Spitzer
7. For once the National Enquirer did not make up a story out of whole cloth
6. According to the Weekly World News, Edwards is the father of Bat Boy
5. Elizabeth has inoperable stage-4 cancer, John has inoperable stage-4 narcissism
4. Turns out John Edwards is kind of a douchebag. Hard to believe for a trial lawyer
3. Fabio still can't believe it's not butter
2. Rielle Hunter's birth name is Barracuda Stealyourman
And the number one surprise in Andrew Young's book about John Edwards...
1. The personal video tape depicts John Edwards admitting he is for lower taxes, smaller government, and supply-side economics
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 9:11 PM
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Gold medal shout out to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for covering my Top Ten Winter Sports I'd Like to See list and posting a link!
This year I'm going to come-from-behind to thank you. Wait, that doesn't sound right.
You can carry my torch anytime, Jack. Wait, that doesn't sound right, either.
Thanks for the blog love,
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 11:57 AM
Friday, February 19, 2010
Top Ten Winter Sports I'd Like to See
10. Ice Pole Dancing
9. Cold Beer Pong
7. Synchronized Skiing
6. Curling Cheese Fries
5. Snow Chess
4. Tundra Tennis
3. Avalanche Surfing
2. Glacier Polo
And the number one winter sport I'd like to see...
1. Female Lingerie Hockey
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 5:15 AM
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Top Ten Surprises in the Sarah Palin Magazine
10. Her recipe for stuffed salmon calls for 15bbl of crude oil
9. Wishes James Garner would be cast to play her in the made-for-Lifetime movie, "Maverick Mom from Mooseville"
8. Almost challenged Tina Fey to a bareknuckled boxing match
7. Centerfold is Levi Johnston
6. In a drunken stupor, once accidentally voted for Bill Clinton
5. Editorial claims Michelle Obama is Kenyan
4. Chastises Ben Stiller for going "full retard"
3. Saved her marriage to Todd by talking dirty in Yup'ik
2. Text is nothing but a bunch of top ten lists and recycled Tiger Woods jokes
And the number one surprise in the Sarah Palin Magazine...
1. No longer lives in "real America"
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 6:59 PM
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Top Ten Valentine's Gifts Tiger Woods is Getting Elin Nordegren
10. One billion Swedish Krona
9. Two hours in the conjugal visit trailer at rehab
8. A puppy with the words "I love you" shaved into its fur
7. An "I'm sorry, Elin" back tattoo from shoulder blade to shoulder blade
6. Two Master's trophies and a green jacket
5. Ticket to ride
4. A dozen roses, "The Notebook" on DVD, and box of Whitman Samplers
3. A Tiger Woods' Mistress Calendar with the names crossed out and "Elin" written in
And the number one Valentine's gift Tiger Woods is getting Elin Nordegren...
1. A Get Out Of Marriage Free card
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 8:51 PM
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Top Ten Ways I am Exactly Like My Father
10. I sit at home alone a drink scotch
9. I have a scraggly grey beard
8. I feud with friends and family over perceived slights
7. I drive a Japanese sedan
6. I can't foster or maintain intimate relationships
5. I have the ability to piss off people in authority without really trying
4. My primary form of communication is e-mail
3. I possess a wicked sense of humor
2. I have no idea where the social boundaries are
And the number one way I am exactly like my father...
1. I'm not really listening to you
Listed by Jason Rohrblogger at 5:44 AM