Tuesday, December 24, 2013

TOP TEN SIGNS SANTA IS GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS

Top Ten Signs Santa is Getting Too Old for This

10. Candy cane replaced with actual cane

 9. Reindeer games now only bingo and shuffleboard

 8. Popping Geritol like sugarplums

 7. In emergency, calls on Rudolph to change his adult diapers

 6. Then: Milk and cookies
     Now: Milk of Magnesia and Ensure

 5. His joints are more accurate than the weatherman

 4. Can't fit walker down chimney

 3. "Going all night" means not getting up to pee

 2. Then: On Dasher, on Dancer! On Prancer and Vixen! 
     Now: On Dilantin, on Darvocet! On Flomax and Lasix!

And the number one sign Santa is getting too old for this...

 1. I heard him exclaim, as he rode out the dawn, "Merry Christmas to all, and stay off my lawn!"

Jason Rohrblogger
(12/24/13)

And the alternates...

Stays away from natural foods, because he needs all the preservatives he can get
Fell asleep at the sleigh
Naughty kids given a lump of green jello
If North Pole stays frozen for longer than four hours, has to consult a physician
Used to be able to go all night at least once a year, now can barely get sled up for a few minutes
Belly shakes like a bowl full of prunes
Takes him longer to rest than it did to get tired
NORAD just tracks his pacemaker
Can't see over the sleigh, forgot the keys, and completely lost the Naughty List