Top Ten Jabba The Hutt New Year's Resolutions
10. Return ThighMaster for full refund.
9. Finally come out to mom and dad at the all-Hutt cotillion.
8. Have Lewis Carroll ghostwrite autobiography, Jabbawocky.
7. Attack queen in chess-by-mail game with Boba Fett.
6. Sue Pizza Hut, Sunglass Hut, and Timothy Hutton for copyright infringement.
5. Learn bass line to Louie Louie: start all-slug band.
4. Finally build that patio deck he's been talking about.
3. Kill next joker who mistakenly refers to him as a "Jawa."
2. Use cool carbon freezing machine to make Bantha-size novelty popsicles.
And the number one Jabba the Hutt New Year's resolution...
1. Finally work up the guts to ask out Kirsty Alley.
-Jason Rohrblogger
(01/11/99)
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