TOP TEN FAVE QUOTES

Top Ten Fave Quotes

10. A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human. -Mitch Hedberg

9. Dick Cheney agreed to be President Bush's running mate once again in 2004. He made the announcement while riding in Ambulance One. -Jay Leno

8. About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. -Josh Billings

7. If you're so pro-life, do me a favor: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries. -Bill Hicks

6. Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. -Steve Martin

5. There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh. -Dennis Miller

4. Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. -P.J. O'Rourke

3. Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. It's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us. -Larry Miller

2. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. -Steven Wright

And the number one fave quote...

1. Women should be obscene and not heard. -Groucho Marx

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/20/06)

And the alternates...

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. -Emo Philips
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -P.J. O'Rourke
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. -Paula Poundstone
Married people are not a very good advertisement for marriage. -Bill Maher
This is not the most right I've ever been. -Paul Reiser
My girlfiend said to me in bed last night, "you're a pervert" I said, "that's a big word for a girl of nine." -Emo Philips
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. -Joan Rivers
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage: they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -Rita Rudner
I think the reason they cast me as the good girls is because they couldn't find any in Hollywood. -Victoria Jackson
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong. -David Letterman