Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten...

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Sunday, June 21, 2009

TOP TEN REALITY TELEVISION SHOWS I'D WATCH

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Top Ten Reality Television Shows I'd Watch 10. America's Most Anorexic 9. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Rehab 8. The Cellmate 7. Sur...
Friday, June 12, 2009

TOP TEN PROJECTS IN DEVELOPMENT AT BUDWEISER

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Top Ten Projects in Development at Budweiser 10. Bud Dark Dry Ice Light 9. A Shakespearean talking frog 8. Barnard-educated deeply feminis...
1 comment:
Tuesday, June 09, 2009

YOU MIGHT BE AL QAEDA IF...

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Here at Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten we only rip off the most tired and shopworn cliché premises to waste your internet time: You Might b...
1 comment:
Friday, June 05, 2009

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU DRIVE A POS

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Top Ten Signs You Drive a POS 10. You fill the tank and it doubles in value 9. It goes 0-60 in 7.4 minutes 8. You spill your capuccino on ...
Tuesday, June 02, 2009

TOP TEN PROJECTS IN DEVELOPMENT IN NORTH KOREA

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Top Ten Projects in Development in North Korea 10. A nucular missile 9. An export car even smaller and cheaper than a Kia 8. A socioeconom...
Sunday, May 31, 2009

GRACIAS POR EL ACOPLAMIENTO

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Gracias grandes a Héctor Fabricio Flores por enlazar a mi Top Ten Victoria's Secret Models la lista encima en Tva ¡Wow! blog. Usted e...
Saturday, May 30, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED FORMS OF CONTRACEPTION

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Top Ten Rejected Forms of Contraception 10. The Patch Adams 9. The IOU 8. Denial 7. Syncopated Rhythm Method 6. Plan C 5. The Breast Im...
4 comments:
Wednesday, May 27, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED SUMMER MOVIE SEQUELS

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Top Ten Rejected Summer Movie Sequels 10. Cold Mountain Deux 9. Titanic's Revenge of the Titanic: Icebergs in Paradise 8. Debbie D...
1 comment:
Sunday, May 24, 2009

TOP TEN SIGNS IT'S SUMMER IN LOS ANGELES

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Top Ten Signs It's Summer in Los Angeles 10. Tanning beds mothballed until Fall 9. Smog layer glistens 8. Buses disgorge fresh batch of ...
Thursday, May 21, 2009

TOP TEN PROJECTS IN DEVELOPMENT AT GOOGLE

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Top Ten Projects in Development at Google 10. Ads based on how early in the morning you are still on Facebook trying to get a date 9. A web...
Monday, May 18, 2009

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE AT A BAD CIRCUS

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Top Ten Signs You are at a Bad Circus 10. Some clown won't quit hitting on you 9. Sideshow is Perez Hilton interviewing Lady Gaga 8. C...
Friday, May 15, 2009

TOP TEN REPUBLICAN COMEBACK IDEAS

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Top Ten Republican Comeback Ideas 10. Shoot ALL lawyers in the face 9. Palin/Prejean 2012 8. Free KFC for everyone! 7. Stop politicizing ...
2 comments:
Wednesday, May 13, 2009

DOWNSIZED TO MERELY PLUMP JACK

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Medium-sized ups to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Top Ten Ways I am Downsizing in this Economy list. Normal...
Tuesday, May 12, 2009

INSULT GENERATOR

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Sorry about the huge empty space in this post! I write HTML table code the way George W. Bush speaks English. Insult Generator (Insulterator...
Saturday, May 09, 2009

TOP TEN WAYS I AM DOWNSIZING IN THIS ECONOMY

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Top Ten Ways I am Downsizing in this Economy 10. Caviar and champale 9. No longer wear designer tattoos 8. Generic heroin 7. Moved from 1...
Thursday, May 07, 2009

HEADACHE, NAUSEA, BARGER COMING OUT OF MY NOSE

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Big thanks to Tracy over at The Barger Blog for reposting my Top Ten Swine Flu Symptoms list and linking to it. This post appears contagi...
Wednesday, May 06, 2009

TOP TEN WIFE ONE-LINERS

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Top Ten Wife One-liners 10. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -David Bissonette 9. After ma...
1 comment:
Tuesday, May 05, 2009

ACHING, FEVER, ERRATIC RANTING...

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Porcine props to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Top Ten Swine Flu Symptoms post. Hope you put on a mask befo...
Sunday, May 03, 2009

TOP TEN TABLOID STORIES I'D LIKE TO SEE

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Top Ten Tabloid Stories I'd Like to See 10. Barrack Obama's love child with Nicole Brown Simpson 9. 98lb Oprah: "I am NOT anor...
Thursday, April 30, 2009

TOP TEN SWINE FLU SYMPTOMS

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Top Ten Swine Flu Symptoms 10. Bacon tastes "funny" 9. Boyfriend demands you wallow 8. You respond to the question, "Can pi...
Monday, April 27, 2009

TOP TEN APPROVED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES

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Top Ten Approved Interrogation Techniques 10. Forced watching of Two and Half Men 9. Waiting in line at the DMV for up to 24 hours 8. Rose...
Monday, April 20, 2009

TOP TEN SOMALI PIRATE EXCUSES

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Top Ten Somali Pirate Excuses 10. Thought they were holding the Captain & Tennille 9. Needed 100 metric tons of plastic souvenirs and C...
Friday, April 17, 2009

TOP TEN SHAKESPEAREAN PORN MOVIES

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Top Ten Shakespearean Porn Movies 10. A Midsummer Nights Cream 9. King Leer 8. As You Lick It 7. Two Gentlemen in Verona 6. Handle It 5...
2 comments:
Tuesday, April 14, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED STAR TREK CHARACTERS

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Top Ten Rejected Star Trek Characters 10. Madeline Khan Noonien Singh 9. Snotty 8. Spock Remover 7. Uwhora 6. P'lot Com P'licati...
Saturday, April 11, 2009

TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR GATED COMMUNITIES

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Top Ten Least Popular Gated Communities 10. The Twin Oaks at Rancid Rivers Pointe Landfill 9. The Manors of the Falls of the Landings of th...
1 comment:
Wednesday, April 08, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED MILITARY OPERATION CODE NAMES

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Top Ten Rejected Military Operation Code Names 10. Operation Sissy Pants 9. Rogue Clown 8. Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark 7. Valkyrie K...
Sunday, April 05, 2009

BOURBON COWBOY MAKES MCSWEENEY'S

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My buddy Dave over at Bourbon Cowboy got a hilarious list published in McSweeney's: Unpopular Mardi Gras Shouts Here are my absolute f...
Thursday, April 02, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED PUSSY CAT DOLL STAGE NAMES

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Top Ten Rejected Pussy Cat Doll Stage Names 10. Mercedes Porsche 9. Chlamydia 8. Sylvia Plath 7. Cheyenne Laramie 6. Clementine 5. Riha...
Monday, March 30, 2009

TOP TEN CHRISTOPHER MOORE QUOTES

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Jenn over at Patience is a Virtue recently sent me my first Christopher Moore book Practical Demonkeeping . Christopher Moore books are w...
1 comment:
Friday, March 27, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED CAMOUFLAGE PATTERNS

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Top Ten Rejected Camouflage Patterns 10. Jungle Boogie 9. Dessert Storm 8. GothPunk 7. Suburban Warfare 6. Tees n' Greens 5. Forest...
Tuesday, March 24, 2009

TOP TEN BABY EILER NAMES

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I have some friends with the last name Eiler who are having a boy. They asked me to come up with some non-Jason names (I don't condone t...
Saturday, March 21, 2009

TOP TEN JEOPARDY CATEGORIES JASON ROHRBLOGGER WOULD TOTALLY KICK ASS ON

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Note: Today's premise was stolen wholesale from SuziJane over at Chronic Listaholic . Top Ten Jeopardy Categories Jason Rohrblogger Wo...
4 comments:
Wednesday, March 18, 2009

TOP TEN REJECTED INNER-CITY CAR NAMES

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Volkswagen is trying to appeal to a more urban demographic with their current "unpimp your ride" ad campaign. Here are the vehicl...
1 comment:
Sunday, March 15, 2009

TOP TEN SCREEN SAVERS OR LED ZEPPELIN SONGS

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Top Ten Screen Savers or Led Zeppelin Songs 10. The Ocean 9. Flying Toasters 8. In The Light 7. Windows IV 6. Black Dog 5. Starfield 4...
Thursday, March 12, 2009

TOP TEN REASONS BRISTOL PALIN AND LEVI JOHNSTON BROKE UP

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Top Ten Reasons Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston Broke Up 10. He can't skin a bear the way she likes 9. She wants to have thirteen more ...
Monday, March 09, 2009

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE CARRYING TOM CRUISE'S BABY

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Here's an oldie but a goodie from 2006... Top Ten Signs You Are Carrying Tom Cruise's Baby 10. Heart-monitor beeps out theme to Miss...
Friday, March 06, 2009

TOP TEN THINGS I AM ASHAMED TO ADMIT I LOVE

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Top Ten Things I am Ashamed to Admit I Love 10. John Grisham novels - Yes his pulp is hopelessly formulaic. Yes he types his novels with o...
2 comments:
Tuesday, March 03, 2009

TOP TEN LOS ANGELES KINGS EXCUSES

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Top Ten Los Angeles Kings Excuses 10. Completely distracted by Octo-mom 9. Lost puck in the glare of the sun 8. When playing the Calgary ...
Saturday, February 28, 2009

TOP TEN SIGNS I AM GETTING OLD

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Top Ten Signs I am Getting Old 10. Dingbat girls slinging toxic wings at Hooters can't hold my interest 9. I get Treasury Secretary Timo...
2 comments:
Wednesday, February 25, 2009

TOP TEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYERS

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Top Ten Habits of Highly Effective Professional Baseball Players 10. Cocaine 9. Hookers 8. Chewing tobacco 7. Alcohol 6. Wife beating 5...
1 comment:
Sunday, February 22, 2009

JACK TOUCHES MY MONKEY

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A hirsute thank-you to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Top Ten Signs your Pet Chimpanzee has Gone Bad list. I...

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR PET CHIMPANZEE HAS GONE BAD

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Top Ten Signs your Pet Chimpanzee has Gone Bad 10. Orders red wine with fish 9. Poses for the cover of "Chimps Gone Wild II: Primates ...
Thursday, February 19, 2009

TOP TEN ITEMS FOR SALE IN THE MICHAEL JACKSON AUCTION

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Top Ten Items for Sale in the Michael Jackson Auction 10. The other glove 9. High-mileage Elephant Man 8. An assortment of noses 7. Macau...
1 comment:
Sunday, February 15, 2009

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG FERTILITY SPECIALIST

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Top Ten Signs You've Hired the Wrong Fertility Specialist 10. Implants eight kids, four hound dogs, and a piggy we stole from the shed ...
1 comment:
Thursday, February 12, 2009

TOP TEN GIFTS I AM GETTING SARAH PALIN FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

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Top Ten Gifts I am Getting Sarah Palin for Valentine's Day 10. A viable fetus 9. Heart-shaped 7mm Magnum rifle 8. Subscription to Time...
Monday, February 09, 2009

TOP TEN ENHANCED SECURITY MEASURES AT THE WHITE HOUSE

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Top Ten Enhanced Security Measures at the White House 10. He got early warning He got muddy water, he one mojo filter He say "O...
1 comment:
Friday, February 06, 2009

TOP TEN ACTIVITES TO PREPARE FOR SKI SEASON

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Top Ten Activities to Prepare for Ski Season 10. Visit your local butcher and pay thirty dollars to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half h...
1 comment:
Tuesday, February 03, 2009

TOP TEN JRTT DISCLAIMERS

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Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten Disclaimers 10. JRTT may cause drowsiness, incontinence, and apathy 9. JRTT is not responsible for any item...
1 comment:
Saturday, January 31, 2009

TOP TEN ATTRACTIONS AT CHINESE DISNEYLAND

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Top Ten Attractions at Chinese Disneyland 10. Snow White and the Seven Child Laborers 9. Pirates of Haiphong Harbor 8. It's a Small N...
Monday, January 26, 2009

TOP TEN LESSER KNOWN HOLIDAY MASCOTS

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Top Ten Lesser Known Holiday Mascots 10. Marty the Martin Luther King Day Marten 9. Hanukkah Harry 8. Leafy Erickson the Arbor Day Deciduo...
Friday, January 23, 2009

TOP TEN POSITIONS IN THE ROHRBLOGGER CABINET

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Top Ten Positions in the Rohrblogger Cabinet 10. Missionary 9. Pro-Tobacco Surgeon General 8. Hug Czar 7. Secretary of Housing and Urban ...
1 comment:
Tuesday, January 20, 2009

REALLY? COMMEMORATIVE WATER?

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I am normally a huge fan of drinking whatever you want. And I can see wanting to celebrate, and remember, Obama's historic inauguration....
2 comments:
Sunday, January 18, 2009

JASON GETS JACKED. AGAIN.

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Nothing like waking up to a little Sunday morning link love from a large biker... Big thanks to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants ...
1 comment:
Saturday, January 17, 2009

TOP TEN MOVIES ABOUT THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION

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We are just a heartbeat away from Beau Bridges playing President Bush in the made-for-TV movie... Top Ten Movies About the Bush Administrati...
5 comments:
Wednesday, January 14, 2009

TOP TEN VICTORIA'S SECRET MODELS

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Top Ten Victoria's Secret Models 10. Rebecca Romijn - I would like to carry her books to school in the snow, uphill both ways. 9. Naomi...
Saturday, January 10, 2009

TOP TEN NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

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Top Ten New Year's Resolutions In 2009 I resolve to... 10. Quit selling used dental floss on Ebay as new 9. Unload three of my personal...
2 comments:
Monday, January 05, 2009

TOP TEN BANNED PHRASES 2009

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Top Ten Banned Phrases 2009 The following are banned from the English language... 10. Green 9. Maverick 8. Carbon footprint 7. Wall Stree...
1 comment:
Thursday, January 01, 2009

JASON'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION QUIZ

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Jason's New Year's Resolution Quiz Answer the following then calculate your score to determine what your New Year's resolution w...
1 comment:
Tuesday, December 30, 2008

JASON'S TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2009

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Jason's Top Ten Predictions for 2009 10. Adorable scamp Paris Hilton becomes America's sweetheart with her sunshine playfulness and ...
Saturday, December 27, 2008

LINKY, BUT NOT DINKY

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A big holiday shout out to Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Top Ten Osama bin Laden Christmas Traditions list. Nothing like ...
Friday, December 26, 2008

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG DENTIST

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Top Ten Signs You've Hired the Wrong Dentist 10. Diagnoses three rectal cavities, prescribes butt floss 9. For an extra fifty she'll...
1 comment:
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

TOP TEN OSAMA BIN LADEN CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

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Top Ten Osama bin Laden Christmas Traditions 10. No oil in Afghanistan, but lumps and lumps of coal 9. Hijacking the angel and flying her i...
1 comment:
Saturday, December 20, 2008

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE TOO BUSY FOR CHRISTMAS

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Top Ten Signs You are too Busy for Christmas 10. Spent more time on the road than a traffic cone 9. Decided to buy your Christmas turkey on...
Wednesday, December 17, 2008

TOP TEN CREEPY SANTA PICKUP LINES

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The Top Ten Creepy Santa Pickup Lines 10. I'll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly 9. I come more than once a year 8. My wreath i...
Sunday, December 14, 2008

TOP TEN WAYS THE $750 BILLION GOVERNMENT BAILOUT WILL BE SPENT

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Top Ten Ways the $750 Billion Government Bailout will be Spent 10. $109 billion for corporate jet cozies for American Express 9. $135 billi...
1 comment:
Thursday, December 11, 2008

TOP TEN ATTRACTIONS AT SIX FLAGS BAGHDAD

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Top Ten Attractions at Six Flags Baghdad 10. Magic Mujaheddin Mountain 9. Flying Fatwah 8. Tower of Tehran Terror 7. The Monofail 6. Country...
1 comment:
Monday, December 08, 2008

TOP TEN REJECTED SLOT MACHINE THEMES

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Top Ten Rejected Slot Machine Themes 10. Enron 9. Interracial Smackdown 8. Awkward Moment 7. Shoeless Baby 6. Degenerate Loser 5. Getti...
Friday, December 05, 2008

TOP TEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ROHRBLOGGER

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I got tagged and bagged over at Patience is a Virtue . First, the tagging game's rules: Link to the person who tagged you. Post the rule...
1 comment:
Tuesday, December 02, 2008

TOP TEN REJECTED EXCUSES FOR SPEEDING

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Top Ten Rejected Excuses for Speeding 10. Had to get home to make sweet love to your mother, officer 9. I'm dislexic and thought the sp...
1 comment:
Saturday, November 29, 2008

TOP TEN PHRASES IN MY ONLINE DATING PROFILE

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Top Ten Phrases in My Online Dating Profile 10. Disease-free 9. In the hizzy 8. Ferret-like 7. Bootylicious 6. Harvard 5. Sexytime 4. Unctuo...
1 comment:
Wednesday, November 26, 2008

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T

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Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't 10. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in 9. I didn't expect everyon...
1 comment:
Tuesday, November 25, 2008

BEST. EMAIL. EVER.

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Best. Email. Ever. My cousin sent me the following during hiatus... Everyday I wake up, get ready for school, grab my backpack and get into ...
Thursday, October 16, 2008

TOP TEN REASONS I WON'T BE POSTING FOR AWHILE

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Top Ten Reasons I Won't Be Posting for Awhile 10. Now I have to find the real killers AND get OJ's memorabilia back 9. Must. Save. ...
2 comments:
Sunday, October 12, 2008

TOP TEN REJECTED KOOL-AID FLAVORS

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Top Ten Rejected Kool-Aid Flavors 10. Meadowlark Lemon 9. Statutory Grape 8. Strawberiberi 7. Cherry Seinfeld 6. Wang Dang Sweet Orange ...
4 comments:
Thursday, October 09, 2008

TOP TEN PAT ROBERTSON QUOTES

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Top Ten Pat Robertson Quotes 10. "Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is ...
1 comment:
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