Tuesday, December 31, 2019

TOP TEN NEW YEARS' RESOLUTIONS FOR THE NEXT DECADE

These are MY next ten years, people! The Roar-ing 20s are back! Herewith are my...

Top Ten New Years’ Resolutions For The Next Decade

10. Gain an extra twenty pounds. A month.

 9. I already spend 19 hours a day on social media. If I stay focused and apply myself, I think I can get that 20th hour.

 8. Tell more rambling stories.

 7. Do my hair toss, check my nails (Related: Get a tattoo of Lizzo from shoulder blade to shoulder blade)

 6. Start charging for my marriage and child rearing advice

 5. Eat more red meat, drink more whiskey, and kiss more pretty girls

 4. Finally determine the perfect amount of time to microwave a yam

 3. Follow Nickelback on tour

 2. Less empathy and more judgment, especially for people who are different from me

And my number one New Years’ Resolution for the next decade…

 1. Quit writing so many lists!

-Jason Rohrblogger (12/31/19)

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

TOP TEN REJECTED SANTA BANDS

St. Nick is putting on his fog hat and getting the band back together. Herewith are the...

Top Ten Rejected Santa Bands

10. Sleigh-er

 9. The Rolling Gnomes

 8. Red Hat Chili Peppers

 7. Clausagoogoo

 6. Santana

 5. Mötley Cüpid

 4. Haulin’ Oats

 3. Salt n’ Peppamint

 2. Fleetwood Elf

And the number one rejected Santa band name…

1. Blue Öldster Cult (more sleigh bell!)

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/25/19)

And the alternates..

Rudolf Against the Machine
The North Police
Vixen
Prancer and The Revolution
Night Stranger
Alice in Reigns
Dire Saints
Lump of Coalplay
NichoLos Lobos
Maroon 5 Golden Rings
Jesus and Mary Chain
Santa's Midnight Runners
Snow Patrol
Kris Krossmas
Presents! At the Disco

Sunday, December 22, 2019

TOP TEN REJECTED HANUKKAH BANDS


Top Ten Rejected Hanukkah Bands

10. Menorah at Work

 9. Gefilte Phish

 8. Maimonides Tabernacle Choir

 7. ZZ Dreidel

 6. Any Other Night Ranger

 5. Steve Mohel Band

 4. Oil Light Orchestra

 3. Mäzel Crüe

 2. Red Hot Kosher Peppers

And the number one Rejected Hanukkah Band...

 1. The Velvet Undergelt

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/22/19)