TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE BRITNEY SPEARS' CHILD

Top Ten Signs You Are Britney Spears' Child

10. You are two hours old and you have a seven-figure deal to write a tell-all book about your experiences in the womb...

9. You attend prehab with Francis Bean, Kal-el, and L. Ron Cruise, Jr.

8. Stretch marks on your lips

7. You are baptized in a secret Kabbalah/Pilates/Skybar ceremony with Xtina Aguilera as your god-Madonna

6. $500-a-day Prada 'R' Us habit

5. All your crying is lip-synched to an enhanced soundtrack by Ashlee Simpson's band

4. Aunt Shar fills your piñata with squibs and fake blood so Uncle Quentin can shoot the finale to your first birthday party in one take

3. Born with a back tattoo

2. Your spokesman denies you are dating Woody Allen

And the number one sign you are Britney Spears' child...

1. Oops, you did it again

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/07/05)