TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE HIRED THE WRONG ATTORNEY

Top Ten Signs You've Hired the Wrong Attorney

10. Asks if you want to super-size your subpoena

9. Thinks Mary Wilson is the strictest constructionist on the Supremes

8. Office is located in the "Discount Bankruptcy" section of Law-Mart

7. Bills you for the hour if she thinks of you during sex

6. Agrees to convince only six of the twelve jurors for half price

5. Asks the judge for a ball-gag order, then advises you that it's time for some hot attorney-on-client privilege, pro bono, natch

4. Legal pad filled with sketches of plaintiff as Batman

3. Does the Macarena in the witness stand whenever a motion is granted

2. Asks prospective jurors if they put bro's before ho's

And the number one sign you've hired the wrong attorney...

1. She has all the time in the world since she withdrew her Supreme Court nomination

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/13/05)

And the alternates...

Interprets the Seventh Amendment as "no tagbacks."
Recommends death penalty for right-turn-on-red in Manhattan