TOP TEN DONALD RUMSFELD EXCUSES

Top Ten Donald Rumsfeld Excuses

10. Had to ratchet up the pressure on detainees when they wouldn't break under his withering contempt.

9. A little murder never killed anybody.

8. Just as in Egyptian times...the security of the Free World depends on naked human pyramids.

7. All of the Harvard trained prison guards were busy. Had to use prison guards from the University of White Trash.

6. Would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.

5. Thought Abu Ghraib pictures would be a big seller like that Paris Hilton video.

4. Merely letting the Iraqi detainees enjoy the sodomy that American prisoners enjoy stateside.

3. Was too busy gutting the Constitution to pay much attention to Iraq.

2. Thought they were only replacing the fine coffee normally served with Folger's Crystals.

And the number one Donald Rumsfeld excuse...

1. Mistook the Geneva Convention for a gathering of Trekkies.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/22/04)

And the alternates...

In 1933 in Berlin, Eugenicists proved that Brown People can't feel pain.
Thought sight of naked men would out that bitch Powell.
They shoot hostages, don't they?
Was inviting the victims to join Skull & Bones.
Lonely guards paid Rumsfeld two cartons of smokes to "have a little fun with the fish."
Heard Bush order him to "get some." Missed the key word "information."
When confronted by Bush, Rumsfeld blurted out, "I learned it from watching you!"
Thought the sexual humiliation was consensual.
What are a few war crimes among our good friends, the Iraqis?
Felt bad that Lynndie England didn't have a date to the Abu High Prom.