Top Ten Captains
10. Cap'n Crunch
9. Captain Kangaroo
8. Captain Stubing
7. Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger
6. Captain & Tennille
5. Captain Caveman
4. Captain of Her Heart
3. Captain Kirk
2. Captain America
And the number one captain...
1. Captain Morgan
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/30/09)
And the alternates...
Captain Ahab
Captain Hawkeye Pierce
Captain Hook
Captain Nemo
Captain Han Solo
Captain Kidd
Captain Jack Sparrow
Captain Obvious
Captain Underpants
Captain Jonas Grumby
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
TOP TEN BEST HALLOWEEN SONGS
Top Ten Best Halloween Songs
10. "Welcome to My Nightmare" -Alice Cooper
9. "(Don't Fear) the Reaper" -Blue Öyster Cult
8. "Cry Little Sister" -Gerard McMann
7. "Dead Man's Party" -Oingo Boingo
6. "Ghostbusters" -Ray Parker, Jr.
5. "Monster Mash" -Bobby "Boris" Pickett
4. "Time Warp" -Richard O'Brien
3. "Werewolves of London" -Warren Zevon
2. "Highway to Hell" -AC/DC
And the number one Halloween song...
1. "Thriller" -Michael Jackson
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/27/09)
And the alternates...
"Psycho Killer" -Talking Heads
"Nightmare on My Street" -DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
"The Toccata and Fugue in D minor" -Johann Sebastian Bach
10. "Welcome to My Nightmare" -Alice Cooper
"We sweat, laugh, and scream here,
'Cause life is just a dream here"
9. "(Don't Fear) the Reaper" -Blue Öyster Cult
"Seasons don't fear The Reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun, and the rain"
8. "Cry Little Sister" -Gerard McMann
"Blind boys don't lie"
7. "Dead Man's Party" -Oingo Boingo
"Everybody's comin', leave your body at the door"
6. "Ghostbusters" -Ray Parker, Jr.
"If there's something weird and it don't look good,
Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!"
5. "Monster Mash" -Bobby "Boris" Pickett
"For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise, he did the mash"
4. "Time Warp" -Richard O'Brien
"With your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!"
3. "Werewolves of London" -Warren Zevon
"I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic's
His hair was perfect"
2. "Highway to Hell" -AC/DC
"Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there, too"
And the number one Halloween song...
1. "Thriller" -Michael Jackson
"You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!"
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/27/09)
And the alternates...
"Psycho Killer" -Talking Heads
"We are vain and we are blind
I hate people when they're not polite"
"Nightmare on My Street" -DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
"He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed
He's burnt up like a weenie and his name is Fred"
"The Toccata and Fugue in D minor" -Johann Sebastian Bach
"Da dah dah, Dah da dah dah DAH dah"
Monday, October 26, 2009
MUSING WITH MS. CLARK
Tip o' the blog to Darby Clark over at Muse With Me for writing a Rohrblogger-inspired Top Ten post and linking back to me!
Check out Darby's hilarity for yourself. Ms. Clark if you're nasty.
Thanks for the blog love, Ms. Clark...
-Rohrblogger
Check out Darby's hilarity for yourself. Ms. Clark if you're nasty.
Thanks for the blog love, Ms. Clark...
-Rohrblogger
Saturday, October 24, 2009
TOP TEN REJECTED ENERGY DRINK FLAVORS
Top Ten Rejected Energy Drink Flavors
10. Shockolate
9. Blue Bulls
8. Carpé Cream
7. Manana
6. Steak & Onion
5. FD&C Yellow No. 5
4. Electric Hammer
3. Ricin
2. Horehound
And the number one rejected energy drink flavor...
1. Gentle Sea Breeze
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/24/09)
And the alternates...
Bladdershock
Eggnog
Menthol Ultra Light 100s
Chunky Vinegar & Oil
Key Lime Kidney Failure
X-treme Hollandaise
Corn Squeezins
Pistachio
Urea
10. Shockolate
9. Blue Bulls
8. Carpé Cream
7. Manana
6. Steak & Onion
5. FD&C Yellow No. 5
4. Electric Hammer
3. Ricin
2. Horehound
And the number one rejected energy drink flavor...
1. Gentle Sea Breeze
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/24/09)
And the alternates...
Bladdershock
Eggnog
Menthol Ultra Light 100s
Chunky Vinegar & Oil
Key Lime Kidney Failure
X-treme Hollandaise
Corn Squeezins
Pistachio
Urea
Thursday, October 22, 2009
JACK FINDS THE TENTH CIRCLE
Halloween treats to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Satan list.
I've been blogging from Hell for years. By the way, Pol Pot says hi!
Thanks for the Devilink, Jack...
-Rohrblogger
I've been blogging from Hell for years. By the way, Pol Pot says hi!
Thanks for the Devilink, Jack...
-Rohrblogger
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
TOP TEN WAYS SATAN IS CUTTING BACK THIS HALLOWEEN
Top Ten Ways Satan is Cutting Back this Halloween
10. Purgatory closed, all sinners sent to Abu Ghraib
9. Only putting razor blades in every other apple
8. Backmasking on Beatles albums now suggest you drink Pepsi
7. Church of Satan will no longer accept tithe in goats
6. Salem witch rituals outsourced to China
5. Pitchfork downgraded to salad fork
4. Only sponsoring three bands at Ozzfest this year
3. Sell two souls for eternity and the third one is free
2. Fine chicken blood normally sprinkled replaced with Folger's Crystals
And the number one way Satan is cutting back this Halloween...
1. Thinking about moving back in with Yahweh
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/20/09)
And the alternates...
Not going down to Georgia
Hooves 10% less cloven
Road to Hell paved with mediocre intentions
Handbasket will not depart until full
10. Purgatory closed, all sinners sent to Abu Ghraib
9. Only putting razor blades in every other apple
8. Backmasking on Beatles albums now suggest you drink Pepsi
7. Church of Satan will no longer accept tithe in goats
6. Salem witch rituals outsourced to China
5. Pitchfork downgraded to salad fork
4. Only sponsoring three bands at Ozzfest this year
3. Sell two souls for eternity and the third one is free
2. Fine chicken blood normally sprinkled replaced with Folger's Crystals
And the number one way Satan is cutting back this Halloween...
1. Thinking about moving back in with Yahweh
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/20/09)
And the alternates...
Not going down to Georgia
Hooves 10% less cloven
Road to Hell paved with mediocre intentions
Handbasket will not depart until full
Saturday, October 17, 2009
ALL APOLOGIES
Contrite shout out to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Top Ten Apologies list.
I regret any remorse that my sorrow may have caused. Please forgive my apology.
It's all my fault. Well, me and the government, television, banking laws, politics, and lawyers...
-Rohrblogger
I regret any remorse that my sorrow may have caused. Please forgive my apology.
It's all my fault. Well, me and the government, television, banking laws, politics, and lawyers...
-Rohrblogger
Friday, October 16, 2009
TOP TEN SUMO DIET TIPS
Top Ten Sumo Diet Tips
10. Lettuce is for the weak
9. Avoid portions smaller than a hog
8. Octopus slurry will stretch a milkshake
7. Wrestler who cannot defeat buffet, cannot defeat adversary
6. At Taco Bell thirteen items is a snack, twenty-six items is a meal
5. Kobe Bryant is not a type of beef
4. Preempt hunger with a meal between breakfast and brunch
3. Japanese-accented Fat Bastard impressions are beyond funny
2. The food pyramid makes a great appetizer
And the number one sumo diet tip...
1. After you have vanquished your opponent, it is honorable to finish his sandwich
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/16/09)
10. Lettuce is for the weak
9. Avoid portions smaller than a hog
8. Octopus slurry will stretch a milkshake
7. Wrestler who cannot defeat buffet, cannot defeat adversary
6. At Taco Bell thirteen items is a snack, twenty-six items is a meal
5. Kobe Bryant is not a type of beef
4. Preempt hunger with a meal between breakfast and brunch
3. Japanese-accented Fat Bastard impressions are beyond funny
2. The food pyramid makes a great appetizer
And the number one sumo diet tip...
1. After you have vanquished your opponent, it is honorable to finish his sandwich
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/16/09)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
TOP TEN JASON APOLOGIES
Top Ten Jason Apologies
10. I would like to apologize to all the farm animals I slept with who work for me on this blog
9. I regret taking steroids while I wrote my lists
8. I'm especially contrite over all the lame jokes I've made at the expense of Sarah Palin
7. My behavoir has hurt the real humor writers on the internet, and for that I am remorseful
6. I'm sorry for bringing sexy back
5. I owe Sir Mix-a-lot several apologies
4. I'm sorry my actions have been perceived by others to be egregious. I'm not sorry for my actions, just the perception that they were bad
3. I regret my misplaced unresolved anger towards Belgium
2. I replaced the fine apology normally served with Folger's Crystals to see if anyone notices. I regret the error
And the number one Jason apology...
1. Please forgive my complete lack of humor, originality, or ethics. My behavoir is a result of society, my upbringing, excessive alcohol, poor hygiene, drugs, American culture, the language barrier, and Sarah Palin
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/13/09)
10. I would like to apologize to all the farm animals I slept with who work for me on this blog
9. I regret taking steroids while I wrote my lists
8. I'm especially contrite over all the lame jokes I've made at the expense of Sarah Palin
7. My behavoir has hurt the real humor writers on the internet, and for that I am remorseful
6. I'm sorry for bringing sexy back
5. I owe Sir Mix-a-lot several apologies
4. I'm sorry my actions have been perceived by others to be egregious. I'm not sorry for my actions, just the perception that they were bad
3. I regret my misplaced unresolved anger towards Belgium
2. I replaced the fine apology normally served with Folger's Crystals to see if anyone notices. I regret the error
And the number one Jason apology...
1. Please forgive my complete lack of humor, originality, or ethics. My behavoir is a result of society, my upbringing, excessive alcohol, poor hygiene, drugs, American culture, the language barrier, and Sarah Palin
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/13/09)
Thursday, October 08, 2009
TOP TEN REJECTED KNITTING VIDEOS
Top Ten Rejected Knitting Videos
10. Baby Got Box Stitch
9. Two Girls One Quilt
8. The Needle and the Knife
7. Extreme Altitude Knitting
6. Twelve-gauge Swatch of Death
5. Knots in Space
4. Deep Penetration Knitting
3. Loops
2. Titan-knit
And the number one rejected kitting video...
1. Joanie Loves Knotsie
-Jason Rohblogger
(10/8/09)
10. Baby Got Box Stitch
9. Two Girls One Quilt
8. The Needle and the Knife
7. Extreme Altitude Knitting
6. Twelve-gauge Swatch of Death
5. Knots in Space
4. Deep Penetration Knitting
3. Loops
2. Titan-knit
And the number one rejected kitting video...
1. Joanie Loves Knotsie
-Jason Rohblogger
(10/8/09)
Monday, October 05, 2009
JASON'S TOP TEN KITCHEN TIPS
Jason's Top Ten Kitchen Tips
10. Veggie burgers aren't bad if you put enough bacon on them
9. Red wine goes well with white wine
7. Black Eyed Peas make a great opening for Meatloaf followed by Cake
6. Kiss the cook, or barring that, bring chocolate
5. Conserve water by drinking vodka
4. Frosting helps the rice cake go down
3. It's not every woman will get up and make a man biscuits and gravy
2. Unfortunately, while barbecuing, you have to wear more than just an apron
And Jason's number one kitchen tip...
1. Don't pour hot grits down your pants
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/5/09)
10. Veggie burgers aren't bad if you put enough bacon on them
9. Red wine goes well with white wine
7. Black Eyed Peas make a great opening for Meatloaf followed by Cake
6. Kiss the cook, or barring that, bring chocolate
5. Conserve water by drinking vodka
4. Frosting helps the rice cake go down
3. It's not every woman will get up and make a man biscuits and gravy
2. Unfortunately, while barbecuing, you have to wear more than just an apron
And Jason's number one kitchen tip...
1. Don't pour hot grits down your pants
-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/5/09)