TOP TEN WAYS SATAN IS CUTTING BACK THIS HALLOWEEN

Top Ten Ways Satan is Cutting Back this Halloween

10. Purgatory closed, all sinners sent to Abu Ghraib

9. Only putting razor blades in every other apple

8. Backmasking on Beatles albums now suggest you drink Pepsi

7. Church of Satan will no longer accept tithe in goats

6. Salem witch rituals outsourced to China

5. Pitchfork downgraded to salad fork

4. Only sponsoring three bands at Ozzfest this year

3. Sell two souls for eternity and the third one is free

2. Fine chicken blood normally sprinkled replaced with Folger's Crystals

And the number one way Satan is cutting back this Halloween...

1. Thinking about moving back in with Yahweh

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/20/09)

And the alternates...

Not going down to Georgia
Hooves 10% less cloven
Road to Hell paved with mediocre intentions
Handbasket will not depart until full