Monday, April 30, 2012


Top Ten Fill-in-the-Blanks for "I'd Like to ______ Her _______."

10. Pork, beans

 9. Batten down, hatches

 8. Wax, car

 7. Calculate, adjusted gross income

 6. Google, Yahoo

 5. Steam, clams

 4. Caulk, bathtub

 3. Trim, hedge

 2. Tack, carpet

And the number one fill-in-the-blank for "I'd like to ____ her ____..."

 1. Verb, noun

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Flick, Bic
Snake, drain
Kill, Bill
Seed, lawn
Shred, sensitive documents
Pillage, village
Degrease, oven
Vacuum, drapes
Check, math
Hang, blinds
Polish, brass
Flush, coolant
Seal, driveway
Stain, deck
Nail, trim

Sunday, March 18, 2012


A friend is opening a bakery and asked for name suggestions. Here are some currant egg samples...

Top Ten Rejected Bakeries

10. Thorough Bread

 9. King of Tarts

 8. Uprising

 7. Go for Dough

 6. Half Baked

 5. Flour Power

 4. Grain Expectations

 3. La Boulingerie

 2. Batter Up

And the number one rejected bakery...

 1. L'il Yeasty's

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Lovin' Oven
Et Tu, Brûlée?
Dough See Dough
The Posh Nosh
In for a Penny, in for a Poundcake
Upper Crust
Cakey, Breaky, Hearth
Lox of Bagels
Dairy Home Companion
Salacious Crumbs
We Boast the Best Toast
Lick Our Spoon
Sweet Desires
Muffin Top
We're on a Roll
Nice Rack
Rolling in It
The French Confection
Diabetes Depot
Babycakes, Now with 10% Real Baby
Carbo Loaders
The Life of Pie
And Eat It, Too
Simple Simon's
Let Them Eat Cake
Mighty Morphin' Power Bagels
I Got Your Cupcake Right Here
Glazing the Doughnut
Butter Face
SpongeCake SquareHat
Hot Tossed Buns
Whisked Away
Gateau'd of Here!
Angel Food
The Torte Court
Chocolate Thunderballs
Neat Wheat
Queens of the Scone Age
Much Ado About Muffin
Fruitcakes in the Nuthouse
Marzy Pan's
Plum Crazy
Tiers for Flair
Wuthering Bites
Jack Frosting
Cap'n Calorie Crunch
Sugar Daddy's
Tres Leeches
Stuff Yer Cakehole!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Top Ten Cynical  Valentine's Day Quotes

10. "Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight." -Phyllis Diller

 9. "Once you have loved someone, you'd do anything in the world for them...except love them again."
       -Franklin Barnes

 8. "Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end." -Jan Forrest

 7. "Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion."
      -Honoré Gabriel Riqueti

 6. "Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love." -Yiddish proverb
 5. "I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of." -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
 4. "A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did." -Edgar Watson Howe

 3. "No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying." -Every Husband Ever

 2. "It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced." -Willard G. Utley

And the number one cynical Valentine's Day quote...
 1. "The people people have for friends
      Your common sense appall
      But the people people marry
      Are the queerest folk of all." -Charlotte Perkins Gilman

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

"It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses." -Mrs. Patrick Campbell

"A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it." -Don Fraser

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" -Dorothy Parker

"There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged." -Anonymous (and with good reason)

Thursday, February 09, 2012


Top Ten Rejected Cookie Fortunes

10. Work hard and you will receive your reward tomorrow. In the afterlife.

 9. Do not worry. God sees all and forgives you. Even the stuff you did last night.

 8. As a Pisces, you should have known, that wasn't fish

 7. Work out harder and your date will like how you look. At least until the evening when you cannot get it up.

 6. Only a fool believes something written on a scrap of paper inside a stale cookie

 5. Everyone secretly agrees that your head is too small for your body

 4. The fortune you seek is in another pastry

 3. Someone has googled you recently

 2. It's all your fault

And the number one rejected cookie fortune...

 1. I found your boyfriend on Craigslist. He wasn't selling his pool table.

-Jason Rohrblogger and Dr. Rody

And the alternates...

You are not illiterate
Do not eat any Chinese food today, or you will be very sick
404 Fortune not found
You may be hungry again in one hour. Order some takeout now.
It is going to burn when you pee

Sunday, January 08, 2012


It appears that, by listing every ache and pain, there are folks on the internet getting more attention than me. This will not stand. Quintuple amputee? Botched gender reassignment? Sore nipples? Rest assured, no matter what the ailment, I am sicker than you. I an effort to garner endless sympathetic comments, herewith are Jason's Top Ten Current Health Issues. See you at my telethon...

Jason's Top Ten Current Ailments

10. My Renaissance Period is Late

 9. Ingrown Labia

 8. Rum Disease

 7. Cranial Yeast Infection

 6. Silky Discharge

 5. Boca Cerrada

 4. Colon Blow

 3. Weeping Prostate

 2. Syphilis Diller

And Jason's number one current health issue...

 1. His n' Herpes

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Chlamydia Chowder
Here Today Gonorrhea
Sexually Transmitted Unease
Prefrontal Lobe Piercing is Infected
Penile Autophagia
Subdural Michelle Bachman
Fall Down and Go Boom
Toenail Bulimia Nervosa
Shpilkes in the Genechtagazoink
Acute Anal Leakage
Total Blastoma
Rectal Havoc
Hypothalmic Arrest
Residual Halitosis