Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Top Ten Cynical  Valentine's Day Quotes

10. "Never go to bed mad -- stay up and fight." -Phyllis Diller

 9. "Once you have loved someone, you'd do anything in the world for them...except love them again."
       -Franklin Barnes

 8. "Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end." -Jan Forrest

 7. "Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion."
      -HonorĂ© Gabriel Riqueti

 6. "Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love." -Yiddish proverb
 5. "I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of." -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
 4. "A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did." -Edgar Watson Howe

 3. "No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying." -Every Husband Ever

 2. "It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced." -Willard G. Utley

And the number one cynical Valentine's Day quote...
 1. "The people people have for friends
      Your common sense appall
      But the people people marry
      Are the queerest folk of all." -Charlotte Perkins Gilman

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

"It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses." -Mrs. Patrick Campbell

"A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it." -Don Fraser

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" -Dorothy Parker

"There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged." -Anonymous (and with good reason)

Thursday, February 09, 2012


Top Ten Rejected Cookie Fortunes

10. Work hard and you will receive your reward tomorrow. In the afterlife.

 9. Do not worry. God sees all and forgives you. Even the stuff you did last night.

 8. As a Pisces, you should have known, that wasn't fish

 7. Work out harder and your date will like how you look. At least until the evening when you cannot get it up.

 6. Only a fool believes something written on a scrap of paper inside a stale cookie

 5. Everyone secretly agrees that your head is too small for your body

 4. The fortune you seek is in another pastry

 3. Someone has googled you recently

 2. It's all your fault

And the number one rejected cookie fortune...

 1. I found your boyfriend on Craigslist. He wasn't selling his pool table.

-Jason Rohrblogger and Dr. Rody

And the alternates...

You are not illiterate
Do not eat any Chinese food today, or you will be very sick
404 Fortune not found
You may be hungry again in one hour. Order some takeout now.
It is going to burn when you pee