Thursday, May 31, 2007


Top Ten Rejected Dating Sites


9. eMormony


7. Sgt. Peppers Lonely-parts Club Hand



4. SugarDaddy


2. HighSpace

And the number one rejected dating site...


-Jason Rohrblogger

Monday, May 28, 2007


Top Ten Squad Names if My Girlfriend Ran the Army

10. The Jobless 41st

9. The Menstrual 1

8. The Drunken 89th

7. The Spoiling for a Fightin' Public

6. The Uncaring 61st

5. The Pregnant 4077th

4. The Mounting Division

3. The Letter-Writing Death from Above

2. More Cock Less Talk

And the number one fighter squadron name if my girlfriend ran the Army...

1. 101st Airborne Loser

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Easy Company
Delta Region Squad
Alpha Male Syndrome

Friday, May 25, 2007


I thought this article was pure hilarity: Eight Wives Not Enough for Convicted Bigamist.

Top Ten Signs You are Married to a Bigamist

10. He agrees to spend 1/10th of the morning with you on Mother's Day

9. Claims he was out at the bar with the boys, but he comes home already fed, wed, and ready for bed

8. She states you, and her other eight husbands, don't pay enough attention to her

7. Demands you get married on your birthday so he only has to remember one day

6. He returns from his "business trip" in a rented tux with frosting all over his boutonnière

5. The court settles your divorce as a class-action

4. All the kids in your trailer park look strangely alike

3. She thinks Ann Romney is way too stingy with Mitt

2. Someone is PMS-ing 25 out of 30 days

And the number one sign you are married to a bigamist...

1. Your new "babysitter" shows up suspiciously wearing a veil

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternate...

Her Craigslist ad reads: "Straight, Mormon, VGL, prayer-warrier seeks stable couple for worship, nuptials, more... NO: singles, pagans, attorneys or Democrats!"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


I jacked this meme from Simple Thoughts of a Complex Mind's harder than it looks! Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following...They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same first initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Jason

Famous Artist/Band/Musician: Jane's Addiction

Four Letter Word: Joke

Vehicle: Jeep

TV Show: Just Shoot Me

City: Jakarta

Boy Name: Jasper

Girl Name: Jessica

Alcoholic Drink: Jell-O shot

Occupation: Jester

Flower: Juniper

Something You Wear: Jacket

Something You Do: Jack off

Something That You Like: Jelly

Celebrity: Jerry Seinfeld

Food: Jelly

Something Found in a Kitchen: Jelly

Reason for Being Late: Jack Knifed Big Rig

Cartoon Character: Jabberjaw

Something You Shout: Jelly!

-Jason Rohrblogger

Saturday, May 19, 2007


I love me some forwarded e-mail SPAM...

Top Ten Trick Questions

10. How long did the Hundred Years War last?

9. Which country makes Panama hats?

8. From which animal do we get catgut?

7. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

6. What is a camel's hair brush made of?

5. The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?

4. What was King George VI's first name?

3. What color is a purple finch?

2. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

And the number one trick question...

1. What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

-Jason Rohrblogger

Check your answers below...

10. How long did the Hundred Years War last?
-116 years

9. Which country makes Panama hats?

8. From which animal do we get catgut?
-Sheep and Horses

7. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

6. What is a camel's hair brush made of?
-Squirrel fur

5. The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?

4. What was King George VI's first name?

3. What color is a purple finch?

2. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
-New Zealand

1. What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
-Orange, of course

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


Top Ten Billy Graham Duties in Heaven

10. Chief halo polisher

9. As they arrive, advise Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard, and Jimmy Swaggart where they are going and why

8. Patron saint of Weight Watchers

7. Explain to the 77 virgins waiting for him where the herpes came from

6. Develop new communion wafer: the Billy Graham Cracker

5. Take Mary Magdalene to Jackrabbit Slim's while Jesus is out of town

4. Learn that The Trinity is actually more of a geometrical heptagon involving the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, Manny, Moe, Jack, One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

3. Earn wings as guardian angel for Tinky Winky

2. Replace the fine gospel normally preached with Folger's Crystals. See if anyone notices

And the number one Billy Graham Duty in Heaven...

1. Apologize to Ganesh, learn Sanskrit

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternate...

Explain the plot of "Lost" to God

Sunday, May 13, 2007


Top Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time










And the number one worst album cover of all time...


-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I stole this from Linky & Dinky...

Fifty Random Celebrity Facts

50. George Clooney sometimes sleeps in the walk-in closet of his L.A. mansion because, he says, "all the bedrooms are too light."

49. In 1985, Teri Hatcher played a dancing mermaid on The Love Boat. "That was the first job I ever had" she says. "I left college before finishing my math degree to go do that."

48. While attending Princeton, Prison Break star Wentworth Miller traveled the world performing with the school's acapella group, The Princeton Tigertones.

47. Matthew Perry is missing part of his middle finger on his right hand due to a door-shutting accident.

46. Diane Lane's mom, Colleen Farrington, was playboy's Miss October 1957 (the ex playmate was also pregnant in one of her photo shoots.)

45. Early in her career, Whitney Houston sang the jingle used in commercials for Bounce fabric sheets.

44. A childhood virus left Rob Lowe completely deaf in his right ear. "No stereo for me," he says. "It's a mono world."

43. Even though she appears in ads for Tommy Hilfiger's True Star fragrances, Beyoncé is reportedly allergic to perfume.

42. After Drew Barrymore posed for Playboy in 1995, Steven Spielberg sent a note that said "cover yourself up" along with a quilt and a copy of the magazine with all her pictures altered so that she appeared fully clothed.

41. Jake Gyllenhaal got his first driving lesson from family friend Paul Newman.

40. At age 10, Justin Timberlake won 1991 pre-teen Mr. America pageant. The following year, he became the first male winner of America's Universal Charm pageant.

39. Before becoming an actress, Aussie Naomi Watts worked as an assistant fashion editor at a fashion magazine called Follow Me.

38. Colin Farrell says that Marilyn Monroe was the first woman he fell in love with. "I used to leave Smarties, the Irish equivalent of M&Ms, under my pillow with a little note saying, "I know you're dead but these are very tasty and you should come and have a few. I wont tell anyone."

37. Gwen Stefani admits that she's had only two boyfriends in her life: No Doubt band mate Tony Kanal and husband Gavin Rossdale.

36. As a second grader Jamie Foxx was so talented at telling jokes, his teacher used him as a reward. If the class behaved, Jamie would entertain them.

35. Butt-kicking Kill Bill siren Uma Thurman is a crafty one. "I knit" she admits, adding "I love glue gun projects."

34. Keira Knightley was Queen Amidala's decoy in Star Wars: Episode 1 though the film was promoted as if Natalie Portman played both roles.

33. Though Christina Aguilera is of Ecuadorian descent and recorded an album in Spanish, she doesn't speak the language. I gathered that when she said mai gousta kantaar

32. In 1993, Jessica Simpson tried out for the Mickey Mouse Club but panicked after watching Christina Aguilera audition. "I froze and forgot everything," she says. She lost out to both Christina and Britney Spears.

31. Eva Longoria starred in the 2004 flick Carlita's Secret, a crime drama in which she shared a same-sex smooch with actress Maria Bravo. "It was the most fun I've ever had kissing somebody."

30. In the early 70s, Richard Gere played Danny Zuko in a London production of Grease.

29. Tom Cruise admits that he still does the Risky Business underwear dance when hes at home alone. He calls it his "dance of freedom."

28. As a child, Jim Carrey wore tap shoes to bed just in case his parents needed cheering up in the middle of the night.

27. Christina Applegate attended the 1989 MTV Movie Awards with Brad Pitt, but dumped him at the event and left with someone else. "We were really good friends when I was about sixteen. We went to the awards and I ditched him! I left him there and I feel really bad about it...I really really do. I left with somebody else."

26. In a high school talent show, Matt Damon performed the Talking Heads' "Burning Down the House."

25. Mariah Carey was nicknamed "Mirage" in high school because she never showed up for class.

24. Angelina Jolie's uncle who looks just like John Voight, Chip Taylor, wrote the song "Wild Thing."

23. Catherine Zeta Jones' father owned a candy factory, but the star says she rarely indulged: "I had so many sweets and candy hanging around my house that I never even bothered with them."

22. Comic actor Jack Black is the son of rocket scientists. His mother worked on the Hubble telescope, and his father worked on "some stuff that I can't tell you about," Jack says.

21. Jennifer Love Hewitt sent Matt Damon an inflatable bed because she read he didn't feel like he has a bed of his own. She never heard back and now, he "looks at me a little weird."

20. At the age of seven, Reese Witherspoon appeared in a television commercial for a local Nashville Florist.

19. Paris Hilton has size 11 feet! "All those super cute shoes like Guccis and Monolos look like clown shoes on me."

18. Russell Crowe was once a pompadoured singer named Russ Le Roq. His first single was "I Want to be Like Marlon Brando"...even though he'd never seen a Brando movie when he wrote the song.

17. Madonna is related to both Gwen Stefani and Celine Dion. Gwen's great aunt's mother-in-law shares the same last name as Madonna Ciccone, and an ancestor of Madonna's mother was married to a distant relative of Celine's dad.

16. Grey's Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey began his career as a juggling unicycle-riding clown.

15. Tara Reid attended high school in New Jersey with American Idol contestant Constantine Maroulis.

14. Julia Roberts' left eye tears up when she gets nervous.

13. Struggling actress Charlize Theron landed her first agent in a bank. He signed her after witnessing her throwing a fit at a bank teller who refused to cash her check.

12. When he was little, Ben Affleck asked his mom for a dog and she tested him by making him walk an imaginary pup for a week. In the end, he only lasted five days and didn't get the dog.

11. Brittany Murphy claims she started speaking at four-and-half-months. She also says she was a very "energetic child, really bubbly...extremely precocious."

10. Demi Moore, who has earned up to $20 million per movie, first found work as a bill collector.

9. Heidi Klum is an avid painter and several of her works have appeared in U.S. art magazines.

8. Daryl Hannah is co-creator of the board game Liebrary

7. Both Olsen twins had to wear fake teeth during the later years of Full House because their smiles began to look different.

6. In 1985, a four-year-old Alicia Keys appeared on The Cosby Show as one of the guests at Rudy's slumber party.

5. Usher holds the Star Search record for the longest note by a child: 12.1 seconds.

4. Claire Danes has a swing in her apartment. "My parents had a swing, a trapeze and a trampoline in their apartment, I was inspired by that."

3. American Beauty star Thora Birch's mom acted in twenty one adult films, including Deep Throat, under the name Carol Connors before retiring in 1993.

2. Halle Berry used to date New Kid on the Block Danny Wood. They broke up because the band thought she was a groupie.

And the number one unimportant celebrity fact...

1. Brad Pitt belonged to the Key Club and the Forensics Club in high school, and before he became an actor he supported himself as a chauffeur, a furniture mover and a costumed mascot for the restaurant, El Pollo Loco.

-Jason Rohrblogger

Friday, May 04, 2007


Note: Since Boris Yeltsin recently passed away, I thought I'd dust off this crusty old list from 1998 full of well-aged references...

Top Ten Job Offers for Boris Yeltsin

10. President, Lincoln Savings and Loan, Whitewater, Arkansas

9. TV pitchman for Certs with Yeltsin

8. National spokesperson "Don't Drink and Govern" campaign

7. Best two-out-of-three in WCW cage match with Bullwinkle Moose

6. Mayor, Washington DC

5. Honorary chairman, Leaders of Crumbling Empires Anonymous

4. Bayonette dummy, Islamabad training base, Afghanistan

3. Experimental melatonin transplant recipient

2. Team owner, New York Yankees

And the number one job offer for Boris Yeltsin...

1. Play himself, opposite Jo Beth Williams, in the made-for-TV movie on Lifetime

-Jason Rohrblogger

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Top Ten Fictional Bands of All Time

10. Stillwater

9. Eddie and the Cruisers

8. The Flower People

7. Tucson Rockers

6. Moist and the Towelettes

5. Cotton Candy

4. Johnny Casino & The Gamblers

3. M.C. Safety and the Cauton Crew

2. Spinal Tap

And the number one fictional band of all time...

1. Sexual Chocolate

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Beans and Frank