Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Top Ten Totally Tasteless Jokes about Michael Jackson

10. Q: What are Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson expecting for Christmas?
A: Patrick Swayze

9. Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since Macaulay Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.

8. McDonald's is making a Michael McJackson sandwich. It's a fifty-year-old piece of white meat between two eight-year-old buns.

7. Michael Jackson's doctor calls 911 and tells the operator that Michael has had a heart attack. The operator asks, "Have you started CPR?" "No," replies the doctor. "Have you started artificial respiration, or a defibrillator?" "No," states the doctor, again. The operator shouts, "Well, you better be startin' somethin'!"

6. They were thinking he may have died from food poisoning because he ate a twelve-year-old wiener.

5. Because Jackson's body was 95% plastic, he will be melted down and turned into Legos, this way kids can play with him for a change.

4. Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what He could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.

3. Doctors are looking into claims that Michael Jackson's death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating ten-year-old nuts.

2. What was Michael Jackson's last hit? The floor!

And the number one totally tasteless Michael Jackson joke...

1. Rumors that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack in his home are untrue. He actually died having a stroke in the children's ward.

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.

Breaking News: Casper the friendly ghost was molested in the early hours of this morning!

In the spirit of recycling, Michael Jackson will be melted down into plastic party cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.

In accordance with Michael Jackson's will, little boys' pants shall be flown at half-mast today.

Michael Jackson will always be with us, he is not biodegradable.

Michael Jackson's death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter was if he died.

Only in America can someone be born a good-looking black kid, and die an ugly white woman.

Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really should not have looked at the man in the mirror.

When police swarmed all over the Neverland Ranch, they found a lot of items that needed explaining. Like the wedding photo with Lisa Marie Presley.

Legal experts say that Michael Jackson's defense really didn't play the race card because they didn't know which race to play.

It's like they always say, if you're rich and white, you can get away with anything.

O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson were at Johnny Cochran's funeral. Michael corners O.J. and asks, "How do you get stains off a glove?"

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Dick Cheney? One has pasty white skin, fake body parts and he's creepy, the other one is Michael Jackson.

Did you hear Michael met with a priest? Not for spiritual advice, they went on a double date.

Michael Jackson's current state summed up in three words: dead man moonwalking.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Angelic ups to Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Top Ten Things Overheard in Heaven Last Week list.

Jack is such a frequent linker here, I have added a permanent link to him in my sidebar over there.

May Jack have many more posts here on Earth before joining Ed, Farrah, Michael, and Billy Mays at the Great Blog in the Sky...


Saturday, June 27, 2009


Top Ten Things Overheard in Heaven Last Week

10. Oh, I'm sorry. You don't appear to be on the list. We were expecting Larry King, Elizabeth Taylor, or Snoop Dogg.

9. We have cherubim, seraphim, and arch. Nothing about Charlie's.

8. Hi-yo! Wheeeeeere's Johnny?

7. Quick, hide all the kids on the carousel!

6. We've got room in the Jimi Hendrix Wing for two drug addicts and an alcoholic

5. There's an ex-Witness here who wants to speak with Jehovah

4. I'll have a scotch and holy water

3. Several popes still have your poster up

2. You may have already won one million dollars

And the number one thing overheard in Heaven last week...

1. Mamma-see mamma-sa ma-ma-koosa, shamon, ee-hee-hee

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternate...

Who is the old lady in line with Ed and Farrah?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Wendy Atterberry over at CNN writes her hilarous 10 Wedding Vows I'm Making to YOU list.

I am totally stealing her premise and writing my own Top Ten Wedding Vows

10. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, but not your endless daddy issues or that fight you are still having with your mother over that time she wouldn't let you wear eyeliner to the 6th grade dance

9. I will get along with your brother even if he is the Largest Idiot Known to Man

8. I will never give you some lame excuse why I don't have a gift for Valentines Day like "Ah, c'mon baby, EVERYDAY is Valentines Day!"

7. I can do my own laundry, cook my own meals, and buy my own clothes, but thanks for the offer

6. I will never refer to you as "my ball and chain." (I may refer to you as "that poor sucker who agreed to marry me.")

5. I promise not to spend our last penny on a sports car or boat (if you promise not to demand that fourth child)

4. I will always call to check-in unless I am really wasted, in which case I will drunk dial you incessantly with whiskey-soaked gibberish about how much I love you

3. I will not awkwardly hit on your friends (or my friends)

2. I will maintain my own life, involving happy hour and chicken wings, once in awhile to give you a break

And my number one wedding vow...

1. I will rock your world beyond all worlds that have ever been rocked in the history of world rockage

-Jason Rohrblogger

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Top Ten Reality Television Shows I'd Watch

10. America's Most Anorexic

9. I'm a Celebrity Get Me Rehab

8. The Cellmate

7. Survivor with Dave Bickler, Frankie Sullivan, Jim Peterik, Stephan Ellis, and Marc Droubay

6. America's Funniest Home Invasions

5. The Toxic Bachelor starring O.J. Simpson

4. Howie Blew It

3. The Real Hutwives of Ghana

2. Jon and Kate plus Hate

And the number one reality television show I'd watch...

1. Deadliest COPS

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

America's Next Bottom Model
So You Think You Can Prance
Ice Road F*ckers
Queer Eye for the Last Comic Standing
Hell's Bedroom

Friday, June 12, 2009


Top Ten Projects in Development at Budweiser

10. Bud Dark Dry Ice Light

9. A Shakespearean talking frog

8. Barnard-educated deeply feminist spokesmodel

7. Michelob Crack

6. Costco 96-pack

5. Near-beer goggles for the far-sighted

4. Kick-start keg tap

3. Morning after pilsner

2. Powdered instant beer

And the number one project in development at Budweiser...

1. Brew skis

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Lager Blogger
Lippy model with a pout to tout stout
Beer-Ade (Oh, yeah!)

Tuesday, June 09, 2009


Here at Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten we only rip off the most tired and shopworn cliché premises to waste your internet time:

You Might be Al Qaeda if...

10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer

9. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes

8. You have more wives than teeth

7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against

5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry high explosives

4. You ask, "Does this burka make me look fat?"

3. You'd walk a mile for a camel

2. You gush, "I love what you've done with your cave."

And the number one you might be Al Qaeda if...

1. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

You spend the weekend polishing your goat
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs

Friday, June 05, 2009


Top Ten Signs You Drive a POS

10. You fill the tank and it doubles in value

9. It goes 0-60 in 7.4 minutes

8. You spill your capuccino on the upholstery. The insurance company considers it a total loss

7. It approaches the speed of dark

6. You have to take the whole front end off to get the passenger side window up

5. You're soaking in it

4. It's a Fiat Flintstone powered by your feet poking through the floor

3. Badging contains the spelling mistake "Ford Ficus."

2. Engineering by Eddie Bauer, styling by Ford

And the number one sign you drive a POS...

1. If one more passenger dies from the fumes, you will have to exit the carpool lane

-Jason Rohrblogger

Tuesday, June 02, 2009


Top Ten Projects in Development in North Korea

10. A nucular missile

9. An export car even smaller and cheaper than a Kia

8. A socioeconomic structure and political ideology that promotes the establishment of an egalitarian, classless, stateless society based on common ownership and control of the means of production and property in general by a whacked out dude with bad hair

7. Studio 54th Parallel

6. Kim Jung II: The Wrath of Il

5. An Asian Pope

4. A Marxist-Leninist dialectic that brings all the boys to the yard

3. New game show: Meal of Fortune

2. Bid to get DMX to play the DMZ

And the number one project in development in North Korea...

1. Amusement park: Totalitari-Fun!

-Jason Rohrblogger