Sunday, July 31, 2005


Top Ten Monster Truck Names If Women Ran The Monster Truck Bidness

10. Runs Good Make Offer

9. Mary Kay Maniac

8. Vaginal Dryness

7. The Commuter

6. Detroit Doily Maker

5. Overbudget

4. Fuel Injected Yeast Infection

3. The Ozone Destroyer

2. V-8 Vibrator

And the number one monster truck name if women ran the monster truck bidness...

1. The Cuddler

-Jason Rohrblogger

Thursday, July 28, 2005


Top Ten L.A. Amusement Parks and Attractions

10. Shoot 'n' Loot: Where Miniature Golf Is A Riot!

9. Dr. Fahad's Discount Plastic Surgery Outlet

8. Six Flags' Magic Mushroom (and Sealing Wax Museum)

7. Knott's Berry Prison Farm

6. Shovel-n-Sav Earthquake Rubble Warehouse

5. Drive-by Dogg's Gang-Related Incarcerarium

4. Hollywood Streewalker Hall O' Fame

3. La Brea Arm Pits

2. Guggenheim Museum of Industrial Toxic Waste and Wartime Atrocities

And the number one L.A. amusement park or attraction...

1. 7th Circuit Court's Divorce-a-Thon '05

-Jason Rohrblogger

Monday, July 25, 2005


Top Ten Baghwan Shree Haj Rashneesh Pet Peeves

10. As soon as you start to really contemplate a grain of rice, the phone always rings.

9. When your chakra gets folded with your dharma in the wash.

8. The way Ken Starr won't wrap up his investigation anytime soon.

7. Climbing 10,000 feet only to discover your isolated cave is being occupied by some OTHER Most Holy Baghwan Sari Haj.

6. Ashram cooks who are stingy with the tofu.

5. Trying to get the baseball cap of your favorite team to fit over your turban during the playoffs.

4. The Spice Girls just don't sound the same now that Ginger quit.

3. Trying to sneak a cow through security at Houston International Airport.

2. Loincloths don't cover, boxer's don't offer enough support, yet briefs are too tight.

And the number one Baghwan Shree Haj Rashneesh pet peeve...

1. Trying not to laugh out loud at that hilarious Chihuahua while sitting through a Taco Bell commercial during a hunger strike.

-Jason Rohrblogger

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Top Ten Signs You've Hired The Wrong Therapist
10. For half price, she offers to take you through only six of the twelve steps.
 9.  Encourages you to act on your homicidal fantasies towards Kathie Lee Gifford on the grounds that no jury would convict you.
 8.  His business card contains the spelling mistake "Sigmund Fraud."
 7.  Refers to masturbation as "releasing your inner child."
 6.  Sends you to an "anger workshop" when what you're really stuck in is denial.
 5.  Your sessions include driving to a bar "for a quick drink." 
 4. After your "fear of abandonment" revelation, he leaves the room so you can be alone for awhile.
 3. Prescribes Zoloft, Valium, and Crystal Meth.
 2. Her nickname: Drill Sergeant Happiness.
And the number one sign you've hired the wrong therapist...
 1. You curl up into the fetal position while vulnerable, he asks: "Has anyone ever told you, you have a great ass?"
-Jason Rohrblogger

Saturday, July 16, 2005


Top Ten Things on Courtney Love's "To Do" List

10. Heroin

9. Buy lipstick

8. Bake cookies. Garnish with Prozac.

7. Have attorney contest results of herpes exam

6. Awkwardly hit on Justin Timberlake

5. Live through this

4. Fill vacancy in Hole

3. Party till her connection calls, then she'll return the key

2. Lunch with Yoko

And the number one thing on Courtney Love's "to do" list...

1. Purge

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternate...

Sue band

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Yet even more SPAM than Hormel...

1. Full name?
-Aloyisious Chester Jason Rohrblogger

2. Were you named after anyone?
-My nominal father Aloyisious Chester P. Diddy Rohrblogger

3. Do you wish on stars?
-Is Corey Feldman a star? Cause I wish on him alot.

4. When did you last cry?
-My tears are shorting-out the keyboard as I type this...

5. Do you like your handwriting?
-Depends on what I'm writing

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?

7. What is your birth date?
-March first. I'm a Pisces! Gooooo fish!

8. What is your most embarrassing CD?
-Sweatin' to the Moldies

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with yourself?
-Bitter, life-long mortal enemies

10. Are you a daredevil?
-I'm a dareangel

11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
-I told you I was a dareangel, didn't I?

12. Do looks matter?
-Why, what are you looking at?

13. How do you release anger?
-Back into the wild

14. Where is your second home?
-My lovely cubicle overlooking the scenic parking lot

15. Do you trust others too easily?
-Why do you ask? What are you hiding?

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
-The hearts of young girls

17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?
-Inglish. I mean, like, c'mon, I totally speek it already, yo.

18. Do you have a journal?

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

20. Favorite movie(s)?
-Flash Dance, Grease, Sound of Music, Scarface

21. What are your (acceptable) nicknames?
-John Holmes, Emailinator, LuvBot

22. Would you bungee jump?
-Who is bungee? And who else has jumped her?

23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
-I untie my shoes and, occasionally, my hostages.

24. Do you think that you are strong?
-Yes, but smell isn't everything.

25. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

26. What size shoe do you wear?
-Twelve. What's your point?

27. What are your favorite colors?
-United colors of Benetton

28. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
-My inability to tolerate kryptonite

29. Who do you miss most?
-Pee Wee Herman. That guy was all class.

30. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back?

31. What color pants are your wearing?
-White (with black thong)

32. What are you listening to right now?
-The sound of one hand. Clapping.

33. What was the last thing you ate?
-California Condor omelette

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
-Violent Blue

35. What is the weather like right now?
-Sarcastic with a 10% chance of funny

36. Last person you talked to on the phone?
-District Attorney

37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
-Her enormous brains

38. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
-Oh, my, yes.

40. Favorite Drink?
-Jameson and milk

41. Favorite Sport?
-Synchronized bitching

42. Hair Color?

43. Eye Color?

44. Do you wear contacts?

45. Favorite Food?

46. Last Movie You Watched?
-Behind the Green Door

47. Favorite Day of the Year?
-Your birthday

48. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
-I love a happy ending.

49. Summer or winter?

50. Hugs or kisses?
-Hugs that lead to kisses

51. What is Your Favorite Dessert?

52. Who is Most Likely to Respond?

53. Who is Least Likely to Respond?
-Spicy Pants

54. Where Would You Want to Go on your Next Vacation?
-Abu Ghraib. Does it cost extra for the hood?

55. What Books are you reading?
-Moby Dick II: Whalin' in Paradise

56. What's on your mouse pad?
-Eeek! A mouse!

57. What did you Watch Last Night on TV?

58. Favorite Smells?
-Bus station bathroom

59. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
-Rolling Beatles

60. What's the furthest you've been away from home?
-I went to the mailbox once

-Jason Rohrblogger

Thursday, July 07, 2005


Top Ten Rejected Godzilla Villains

10. Mothra Fockra

9. Accountantron

8. Megasloth

7. Insecticlam

6. Menstruzoid

5. Spartacus

4. Darth Vadra

3. Satanzilla

2. Spambot

And the number one rejected Godzilla villain...

1. Spermatazoa

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Neo-Maxi Zoondweebie
Sideshow Bobzilla
Hans Blofeld
Alcoholic Stupor

Friday, July 01, 2005


Top Ten Rejected Days of the Week

10. Pukesday

9. Splatterday

8. Hyundai

7. Nightinday

6. Mensday

5. Herpesday

4. Frauday

3. Taxday

2. Runday

And the number one rejected day of the week...

1. Dayday

-Jason Rohrblogger