YOU MIGHT BE AL QAEDA IF...

Here at Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten we only rip off the most tired and shopworn cliché premises to waste your internet time:

You Might be Al Qaeda if...

10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer

9. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes

8. You have more wives than teeth

7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against

5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry high explosives

4. You ask, "Does this burka make me look fat?"

3. You'd walk a mile for a camel

2. You gush, "I love what you've done with your cave."

And the number one you might be Al Qaeda if...

1. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean

-Jason Rohrblogger
(6/9/09)

And the alternates...

You spend the weekend polishing your goat
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs