MY TOP TEN WEDDING VOWS

Wendy Atterberry over at CNN writes her hilarous 10 Wedding Vows I'm Making to YOU list.

I am totally stealing her premise and writing my own Top Ten Wedding Vows

10. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, but not your endless daddy issues or that fight you are still having with your mother over that time she wouldn't let you wear eyeliner to the 6th grade dance

9. I will get along with your brother even if he is the Largest Idiot Known to Man

8. I will never give you some lame excuse why I don't have a gift for Valentines Day like "Ah, c'mon baby, EVERYDAY is Valentines Day!"

7. I can do my own laundry, cook my own meals, and buy my own clothes, but thanks for the offer

6. I will never refer to you as "my ball and chain." (I may refer to you as "that poor sucker who agreed to marry me.")

5. I promise not to spend our last penny on a sports car or boat (if you promise not to demand that fourth child)

4. I will always call to check-in unless I am really wasted, in which case I will drunk dial you incessantly with whiskey-soaked gibberish about how much I love you

3. I will not awkwardly hit on your friends (or my friends)

2. I will maintain my own life, involving happy hour and chicken wings, once in awhile to give you a break

And my number one wedding vow...

1. I will rock your world beyond all worlds that have ever been rocked in the history of world rockage

-Jason Rohrblogger
(6/24/09)