Wednesday, May 16, 2007

TOP TEN BILLY GRAHAM DUTIES IN HEAVEN

Top Ten Billy Graham Duties in Heaven

10. Chief halo polisher

9. As they arrive, advise Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard, and Jimmy Swaggart where they are going and why

8. Patron saint of Weight Watchers

7. Explain to the 77 virgins waiting for him where the herpes came from

6. Develop new communion wafer: the Billy Graham Cracker

5. Take Mary Magdalene to Jackrabbit Slim's while Jesus is out of town

4. Learn that The Trinity is actually more of a geometrical heptagon involving the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, Manny, Moe, Jack, One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

3. Earn wings as guardian angel for Tinky Winky

2. Replace the fine gospel normally preached with Folger's Crystals. See if anyone notices

And the number one Billy Graham Duty in Heaven...

1. Apologize to Ganesh, learn Sanskrit

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/15/07)

And the alternate...

Explain the plot of "Lost" to God

1 comment:

Atomic Bombshell said...

I may have laughed way too hard at item #6.