JASON ROHBLOGGER'S TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2010

Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten Predictions for 2010

10. Jim Bob Duggar will finally figure out how to use a condom

9. OJ Simpson will successfully break out of jail, and before being apprehended, will manage to star in another Hertz commercial

8. Jesse Jackson's love child will ghostwrite John Edwards' love child's tell-all memoir

7. Lindsey Lohan will once again become America's sweetheart with her youthful charm and childlike innocence

6. One lost weekend in Vegas, Larry King will divorce and remarry again

5. Liz Taylor will retire

4. Elin Woods will start dating Annika Sörenstam

3. Michael Jackson will be spotted alive, with his ex-father-in-law Elvis, in a Tallahassee Stuckey's

2. Sarah Palin will become the first victim of Barack Obama's first death panel

And Jason Rohrblogger's number one prediction for 2010...

1. I will finally have to stoop to writing recycled, hackneyed, pop-culture references

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/27/09)

And the alternates...

Ann Coulter will finally find Mr. Far Right

David Letterman will enter rehab for his addiction to disco biscuits

Dick Cheney will preemptively invade a 4:30 buffet

Octomom, Balloon Boy, Jon and Kate, and Spencer Pratt will entertain us with their endless talent and original material

Jesus will return

George W. Bush-era nostalgia will reign as folks remember the Good Times when you used to could mortgage your house to put gas in your Hummer. Now we are all just living in our cars.

Osama bin Laden will turn up living in a San Francisco free-love commune