COME FOR THE FUNNY, STAY FOR THE CRAZY

An open letter to Rose DeWitt Bukater:

Oh, Kate Winslet. Sorry to hear you and Sam Mendes split. Now that you are single, I will be available to comfort you during our intense rebound fling. It has probably been seven years since you've had some crazy-hot passion in your life. I'm here to quench the drought. I'll take you back to my trailer park in my Ford Bronco (an American classic!). I'll put on some Marvin Gaye, crack a sixer of Pabst, and remind you how good it feels to be an Oscar-winner. In the morning it's off to Denny's for a decadent Grand Slam. I want you to drown my bacon in your syrup. I've seen all of your movies (Hideous Kinky, anyone?). I know you like middle-aged bearded men. So let's not pretend you haven't been itching to leave Mendes for a little mending. I'll wipe that smile off your face and put it where you need it most. See you in the morning.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(3/15/10)