TOP TEN SIGNS IT'S CHRISTMAS IN LOS ANGELES

Top Ten Signs It's Christmas in Los Angeles

10. Spent shells from your AK-47 sound like magical sleigh bells as they hit the sidewalk.

9. Dancer and Prancer living together in West Hollywood.

8. Flames from the meth lab have that extra-warm glow.

7. For one month, Tinsel Town also has trees.

6. Santa stuck in a SIG alert on the 405 Fwy.

5. Your Douglas-fir is pimped out with 20's, mobile Playstation, and 5.1 Surround.

4. LAPD beats Rudolph with batons because he was "...guiding Santa's sleigh in an erratic manner, had an eggnog-like substance on his breath, and...resisted arrest."

3. Celebrities honor the 12-days of Scientology/Kabbalah/Bulimia.

2. LAX screeners hum "Silverbells" as they cavity search you.

And the number one sign it's Christmas in Los Angeles...

1. Jesús, Maria, and José just rode into town...

-Jason Rohrblogger and Ken Bloggerts
(12/01/05)

And the alternates...

Freeway shooters use special red and green foil-wrapped Hershey's milk chocolate bullets
Holiday-themed cups used at Starbucks are double-D's
Mrs. Claus sitting courtside next to Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game
Elves have agents and carry a packet of 8x10 headshots
Santa has to make an extra stop so Donner can get another nipple piercing