Top Ten Porn or Lifetime Original Movies
10. Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life
9. Imaginary Playmate
8. More of Me
7. Flirting with Forty
6. My Stepson, My Lover
5. Taken in Broad Daylight
4. Midnight Bayou
3. Secret Lives of Second Wives
2. Maneater
And the number one porn or Lifetime Original Movie...
1. Sex and Lies in Sin City
-Jason Rohrblogger
(7/28/09)
Answer: they are all Lifetime Original Movies
Top Ten Prizes that Would Truly Make a Happy Meal
10. Vibrator
9. Prozac
8. LOL cat
7. Shot of whiskey
6. Bobby McFerrin
5. Ecstasy
4. One million dollars
3. Boobs
2. Happy ending
And the number one prize that would truly make a Happy Meal...
1. Zero-calorie cheeseburger
-Jason Rohrblogger
(7/25/09)
Top Ten Rejected Bumper Stickers
10. Only you can prevent sobriety
9. I don't do portion control
8. Sweaty & Ready
7. How did I get genital Slurpees?
6. What happens in Pompeii stays in Pompeii
5. Who put the extra fiber in your crack this morning?
4. Help stamp out jive ass turkeys
3. What would Scooby Do?
2. Paddle faster, I hear banjos
And the number one rejected bumper sticker...
1. I'll have a venti cafe mocha whiskey heroin latte to go
-Jason Rohrblogger
(7/21/09)
And the alternates...
Hi, I'm going door to door educating people about evolution. Have you heard the good news?
You people are just lucky I'm so terrified of prison
Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers
My kid is student of the month at Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary
Who would Jesus waterboard?
Friends don't let friends decapitate infidels
Top Ten Headlines from the Gmail Sidebar Advertisements that Google Determined Were Relevant to My Life by Matching Them to Keywords in My E-Mails
10. Chaplain in just 30 days
9. Load your Meat Weapon
8. Meet Pashtun Girls for Free Kashmiri Matrimony
7. Noodles For Diabetes?
6. Teach A Haitian To Farm. She Will Thank You for a Lifetime.
5. Free Guide to Lymphedema
4. Mint Tool Corporation
3. Nature Beauty Takamatsu
2. World's Deepest Lake. World's Deepest Lake Is Even Deeper Watch TV News Online
And the number one headline from the Gmail sidebar advertisements that Google determined were relevant to my life by matching them to keywords in my e-mail...
1. Mature Olives Trees
-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/18/09)
And the alternates...
Ashburn VA Karate BDay
Flame Resistant Apparel
Teen Discipline
How To Kiss A Man
Prancing Unicorn Tee
Am I a Good Mom?
How to Hug a Porcupine
Numerology Not Working?
Top Ten Board Games Inspired by Congress
10. Hungry, Hungry Demos
9. Monopelosi
8. Repulikub
7. Connect Pork
6. House Trap
5. Kickbackgammon
4. John McCranium
3. Scandaland
2. Budgets and Dragons
And the number one board game inspired by Congress...
1. Sorry Taboo Risk Checkers in Trivial Pursuit of a Clue
-Jason Rohrblogger
(7/15/09)
I'm casting an appreciation spell on Jack over at Fat Jack's Erratic Rants for linking to my Michael Jackson and Harry Potter lists.
I'm sure Michael Jackson thought of the regular Harry Potter movies as porn.
Thanks for sending me more links than a sausage party. Wait, that doesn't sound right...
-Rohrblogger
Top Ten Harry Potter Porn Movie Titles
10. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Passionate Surrender
9. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Bone
8. Hairy Pot, Her
7. Nearly Headless Dick
6. Muggles n' Snuggles
5. Harry Potter and the Lost Virginity
4. Hermione Does Des Moines
3. Cornelius Fudge Packer
2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
And the number one Harry Potter porn movie title...
1. Harry Potter II: The Wrath of Cock
-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/09/07)
And the alternates...
Professor McGonad-gall
Erectus Humungous
Top Ten Surprises at Michael Jackson's Funeral
10. Bubbles the Chimp throwing himself on the casket screeching "No, take me instead!"
9. Separate mini-coffins for all of Michael's noses
8. Remains thrown in with Elephant Man's bones
7. Billie Jean sues for custody of the kids
6. Pallbearers moonwalk to the grave
5. Sponsored by Pepsi
4. Macaulay Culkin flown at half mast
3. Was embalmed long before he died
2. Elvis' body actually in casket
And the number one surprise at Michael Jackson's funeral...
1. A phalanx of zombies rise from the dead and dance
-Jason Rohrblogger
(7/9/09)
Top Ten Thoughts on the Drive Home from Vegas
10. Why didn't I leave the craps table while I was on a roll?
9. Why didn't I leave the buffet table with a single dinner roll?
8. Why did I mix my alcohols?
7. How long will my car smell like stale beer and regret?
6. Why am I learning this lesson again?
5. Why did I double down on a pair of twos?
4. Why did the ATM machine keep my card?
3. Why didn't I get any sleep?
2. Where is my dignity?
And the number one thought on the drive home from Vegas...
1. Maybe I can stop in Stateline and win it all back
-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/06/09)
And the alternates...
What was I thinking?
Why does it burn when I pee?
I can't wait to go back
Why does my mouth taste like warm asphalt and rum?
How much would a pawn shop give me for my dead mother's wedding ring?
I'm cool with Siegfried, but Roy is kind of a jerk
Top Ten Thoughts on the Drive to Vegas
10. Vegas, baby, Vegas!
9. Maybe I'll hit a jackpot big enough to pay for the whole trip and some left over to play with
8. I am going to put the big hurt on a buffet
7. I am going to bankrupt the casino with free drinks
6. This is going to be just like "The Hangover!"
5. I'll be sure to use the hotel pool, gym, discount happy hour, and bed
4. I will only spend 10% of my money on strippers
3. Can't wait to deploy my disciplined book-learned foolproof Blackjack system
2. This is going to be the best trip ever.
And the number one thought on the drive to Vegas...
1. It's time for a pro like me to show these amateurs how it's done
-Jason Rohrblogger
(7/3/09)
