TOP TEN SIGNS IT IS HANUKKAH IN BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA

Top Ten Signs it is Hanukkah in Bakersfield, California

10. Chevron fracks enough oil for one night, but it lasts for eight

 9. Maccabees fight for right to party

 8. Fine coffee normally served at Buck Owen's Crystal palace replaced with Manischewitz wine. Let's see if anyone notices.

 7. Why is tonight different from every other night? The Air Quality Index is below five-hundred.

 6. Every shiksa in Oildale gets a Star of David tramp stamp

 5. Bubbe's potato latkes taste suspiciously like Bubba's animal fries from In-n-Out Burger on Highway 99

 4. NASCAR track celebrates Festival of Light Beer

 3. Dustbowl conditions mean no clay for dreidels, kids play spin-the-bottle instead.

 2. Sufganiyot just kosher Dunkin' Donuts

And the number one sign it is Hanukkah in Bakersfield, California...

 1. Stetson yarmulkes and leather fringe prayer shawls

-Jason Rohrblogger

(12/24/15)