TOP TEN THINGS MONICA LEWINSKY WILL TELL THE GRAND JURY NOW THAT SHE HAS IMMUNITY

Top Ten Things Monica Lewinsky Will Tell The Grand Jury Now That She Has Immunity

10. Her favorite Spice Girl is really Sporty Spice, not Ginger like she told Vanity Faire.

9. She befriended Linda Tripp because of Linda's highly developed sense of personal style.

8. Clinton's breath is actually minty fresh!

7. The extra time she spent in the Oval Office was to hammer out an illicit top secret underground bipartisan plot to balance the budget by the First Quarter 2003.

6. The beret is neither a hat nor a bonnet. It was developed from scarves worn on the head by provincial girls in the Alpine countryside.

5. Allen Ginsburg "is a fake and a phony and I wish I never laid eyes on him."

4. Her closeness to Clinton grew out of a mutual respect they shared for the late latin clown, Cantinflas.

3. All they really did was kiss. But Clinton had to go telling everyone in Washingon the next day that he got a B.J.

2. Hillary likes to watch.

And the number on thing Monica Lewinsky will tell the Grand Jury now that she has immunity...

1. "It all started 13 years ago when I needed someone to broker a land deal in the Whitewater section of Arkansas...next thing I know: the Chinese government is paying me to blow the President!"

-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/30/98)