Saturday, January 30, 2010


Top Ten Self-descriptive Phrases

10. Incompl te

9. WeIrD cAsE

8. ©λ@ℜα⊄Ψ∃Γ $µß§+|⊥∪∏¡ðℵ

7. esrever

6. I am disappointment in grammar

5. ,comma,

4. Con'traction

3. I'd like to double her entendre!

2. censorship

And the number one self-descriptive phrase...

1. Cnofnusig

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

An am rag
Quit while you're ahea

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Top Ten Rejected Folgers Crystals Flavors

10. Folgers Crystal Meth

9. Ray Bolger's Crystals

8. Folgers Crystal Light

7. Mulder's Crystals

6. Folgers Dark Crystal

5. Folgers Crys-kross'll Make You Jump Jump

4. Hazelnut Sack

3. Irish Roast (Beechwood-aged, 80 proof)

2. Screamin' Sour Cream and Onion X-treme

And the number one rejected Folgers Crystals flavor...

1. Folgers Instant Karma

-Jason Rohrblogger

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Top Ten Current Conan O'Brien Job Offers

10. Simpsons writer

9. Barbarian

8. Junior senator from Massachusetts

7. Ginger Spice backup singer

6. Assistant fluffer

5. Fox News analyst for the late night wars

4. Host of his own counter at McDonald's

3. Weatherman for "Good Morning! Terre Haute!"

2. Letterman extortionist

And the number one current Conan O'Brien job offer...

1. Cereal spokesman (Coco is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs)

-Jason Rohrblogger

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I originally ran this post back in October of 2008.

It gets repeated today along with Messr. Robertson's most recent bon mot regarding Haiti:

"They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."

A coupla thangs: 1) How can Pat Robertson hear what the devil says? And why was he present at Haiti's negotiations with Old Sparky? 2) I usually have to pay extra to be under the heel of the French. 3) Los Angeles has been serving the devil WAY better than Haiti! Where is our earth-shattering kaboom? 4) That Pat Robertson sure is kooky! To wit:

Top Ten Pat Robertson Quotes

10. "Over 100 years, I think the gradual erosion of the consensus that's held our country together is probably more serious than a few bearded terrorists who fly into buildings."
–On the dangers of judicial activism

9. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court."

8. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."

7. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you. This is not a message of hate. This is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor."
–On "gay days" at Disneyworld

6. "The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

5. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period."

4. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because He might not be there."
-After the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial

3. "God considers this land to be His. You read the Bible and He says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'"
-On why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke

2. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –On nuking the State Department

And the number one Pat Robertson quote...

1. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
-Calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

"Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,' and 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping."
–Clarifying his call to assassinate Hugo Chavez

"Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him."

"That was never in the Constitution, however much the liberals laugh at me for saying it, they know good and well it was never in the Constitution! Such language only appeared in the constitution of the Communist Soviet Union."
-On the constitutional separation of church and state

"Well, I totally concur." –to Jerry Falwell following the Sept. 11 attacks, after Falwell said, "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way - all of them who have tried to secularize America - I point the finger in their face and say: "You helped this happen."

Sunday, January 17, 2010


I have some friends with the last name Erickson who are having a baby girl. Herewith are my...

Top Ten Baby Erickson Names

10. Erica Ekaterina Erickson

9. Patience Temperance Faith Chastity Erickson

8. Erickson of Sam

7. W. Axl Erickson

6. Bambi St. Clair-ickson

5. Samantha Beware-ickson

4. Micheala Roxanne Christine Lauren Isabella Fincham Erickson

3. Tupelo Memphis Graceland Erickson

2. Lady Xtina Ga Ga Winehouse Tiny Dancer Erickson

And the number one baby Erickson name...

1. Jennifer Jason Leif Erickson

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Rumer Scout

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Check out my review of "The Pee-wee Herman Show" at Club Nokia @ La Live over at Celebrity Smack.

I liked it so much, I want to marry it!

-Jason Rohrblogger

Monday, January 11, 2010


Top Ten Rejected Celebrity Liquor Endorsements

10. Chuck Jägermeister

9. Charlie Jack Daniels

8. José Charro

7. Soleil Moonshine

6. Dennis Miller Lite

5. Maker's Marky Mark

4. Jennifer Grey Goose

3. Asti Spumante Python

2. Harvey Ketel One

And the number one rejected celebrity liquor endorsement...

1. St. Pauli Shore

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Everclear Danes
Hennssey Thomas Howell
Bacardi Snyder
Glenfiddich Nixon
DeKuyper Sutherland
Drambuie George
Bobcat Goldschläger
Yukon Jack Nicholson
Oscar Wild Turkey
Christian Bailey's
Absolut Olson
Jack Black Velvet
Manute Bols
George W. Bushmills
Slim Jim Beam
Captain Morgan Freeman
Alec Guinness
Son of Sambuca
Ione Skyy
Tanqueray Romano
Yo Yo Zima
Jamie Far Niente
Sherry Shepherd
Ulysses S. Grand Marnier
Seagram Nash
Yakov Smirnoff

Friday, January 08, 2010


Top Ten Cars with Place Names in the Order of Where I Would NOT Like to Live

10. Hyundai Santa Fe

9. GMC Sierra

8. Dodge Daytona

7. Nissan Frontier

6. GMC Savana

5. Nissan Pulsar

4. Toyota Avalon

3. GMC Yukon

2. Saturn

And the number one car with a place where I would not like to live...

1. Toyota Tundra

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Volkswagen Westphalia
Chevrolet Silverado
Toyota Tacoma
Chevrolet Corsica
Hyundai Tucson
Chevrolet Colorado
Ford Galaxie

Tuesday, January 05, 2010


Top Ten Cars with Place Names in the Order of Where I Would Like to Live

10. Kia Sedona

9. Lincoln Versailles

8. Mercury Monterey

7. GMC Sonoma

6. Dodge Aspen

5. Buick Riviera

4. Chevy Tahoe

3. Buick Park Avenue

2. Chrysler Newport

And the number one car with a place where I would like to live...

1. Chevy Malibu

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Cadillac Seville
Dodge Monaco
Mercury Milan
Chevrolet Monte Carlo
Mercury Montego
Cadillac Le Mans
Mercury Capri
Cadillac Calais

Saturday, January 02, 2010


Top Ten Banned Phrases 2010

The following is hereby banished from the English language...

10. Viral

9. Subprime

8. Post 9/11

7. In these economic times

6. Tweet

5. Sexting

4. Unfriend

3. Toxic Assets

2. Chillaxin'

And the number one banned phrase 2010...

1. Teachable Moment

-Jason Rohrblogger

And the alternates...

Reality TV
Too Big to Fail