Tuesday, December 31, 2019

TOP TEN NEW YEARS' RESOLUTIONS FOR THE NEXT DECADE

These are MY next ten years, people! The Roar-ing 20s are back! Herewith are my...

Top Ten New Years’ Resolutions For The Next Decade

10. Gain an extra twenty pounds. A month.

 9. I already spend 19 hours a day on social media. If I stay focused and apply myself, I think I can get that 20th hour.

 8. Tell more rambling stories.

 7. Do my hair toss, check my nails (Related: Get a tattoo of Lizzo from shoulder blade to shoulder blade)

 6. Start charging for my marriage and child rearing advice

 5. Eat more red meat, drink more whiskey, and kiss more pretty girls

 4. Finally determine the perfect amount of time to microwave a yam

 3. Follow Nickelback on tour

 2. Less empathy and more judgment, especially for people who are different from me

And my number one New Years’ Resolution for the next decade…

 1. Quit writing so many lists!

-Jason Rohrblogger (12/31/19)

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