TOP TEN REJECTED HOROSCOPE PREDICTIONS

Top Ten Rejected Horoscope Predictions

10. In early January, Pisces, a Cancer will swim into your life and give you crabs.

9. Around December 13th or 14th Capricorns should give up all hope for living and put themselves out of everyone else's misery.

8. A large sum of money will come to balanced Libras, but only because someone they love has been terribly hurt.

7. Bullish Taurus will see two out of three stocks plummet into oblivion. One out of three stocks will skyrocket. The stars don't say which stocks, though.

6. The next week will introduce love to Aquarians, possibly with a Virgo or Scorpio. The relationship will end badly, scarring both partners for life.

5. Gemini: look for long lost relatives and old flames, while serving your time in prison.

4. The military draft hasn't been used in this country for almost 30 years. With Mars in your house of love, that's about to change for Sagittarians.

3. Self important Leo will soon see a pride of well deserved promotions and peer recognition, in Fallujah.

2. Run, Aries, run!

And the number one rejected horoscope prediction...

1. If you were born on this day, and you still believe in astrology, you are a pitiful idiot who needs professional help overcoming your deep seated and very-real-to-you delusions.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(11/13/98)