TOP TEN SIGNS IT'S CHRISTMAS IN IRAQ

Top Ten Signs it's Christmas in Iraq

10. Muzzle flash has that extra-warm holiday glow

9. Price of sleigh-seeking missiles triples

8. Booby traps put up earlier and earlier every year

7. Prisoners exchanged with little red bows on them

6. You are visited by the ghosts of Ramadan Past, Christmas Present, and a One-Term Future (George W. Bush only)

5. Steaming cups of goatnog

4. Visions of sugar plumbs covertly inserted into the dancing hearts and minds of Iraqi children

3. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you please maintain light discipline within the perimeter until at least oh seven hundred hours?"

2. Millions of Iraqi fathers trying to figure out how to assemble the @#!^% L'il Jihad Anti-Tank Missile Jr.

And the number one sign it is Christmas in Iraq...

1. Unexpected glut of Christmas stockings with the names "Uday" and "Qusay"

-Jason Rohrblogger and Ken Bloggerts
(12/05/03)