Tuesday, April 03, 2007

JASON ROHRLOGGER'S TOP TEN FAVE LINES FROM "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TISH"

Here's a plug for my latest internet crush. Tisha Sharp blogs about the usual sick kids, errant puppies, and lack of sleep. She's worth blogrolling, however, solely for her posts about work. She's employed in a convalescent home. Now, I love a good dick joke, poop story, or awkward masturbation reference as much as the next juvenile laptop junkie. And she delivers. Enjoy...

Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten Fave Lines from The World According to Tish

10. "Lemme tell you, brothers and sisters, I have been places you ain't never been." Monique singsonged into a Mr. Microphone. "Sex, drugs, rock and roll, oh yes, people! ...I didn't need Jesus when I was having sex with two men, no ma'am! I thought all that rubbing, all that touching and bumping was what love was all about."

9. I barely could understand what the diminutive French man said, but I took offense to his hand gestures so I had to slap him. Good thing National Enquirer photogs were nowhere near.

8. Then yes, I danced like a crazy woman.

7. I slept in every day only to be awakened by the sounds of my breakfast being prepared by hairless Guatemalan men....

6. I can't really compare it to prison.

5. She leaned over a most eager 80 year old double amputee man. His stumps flipped up and down as she hugged him tightly.

4. "Tish, your physical therapist. We exercise your legs, remember?" I knelt down to pat her knees..and then she kicked me square in the chest, knocking me to the floor.
"Yep, I know you. I was sore for three days after you."

3. ....after five Sapphire and tonics, all I heard was TISH and my giggles.

2. Masturbation Olympics

And Jason Rohrblogger's number one fave line in The World According to Tish...

1. "I used to see a man and jus' think 'bout what I could do to him, what he could do to me, and whammo, it wasn't nothing for us to get busy right there in the parking lot.... But then I found JESUS, people, JESUS...." She ended with a prayer, a long sigh, and what I thought was a body tremor.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(04/03/07)

And the alternates...

I hate to brag at this point to all of the parents that might be reading this, but here goes and I do say this with a 'nah-nah' voice:
I WATCHED TWO RATED R MOVIES AT THE CINEMA!

One may be the loneliest number but it sure sounds great to me.

No can do, kiddo, but you can devote your next CD to the woman who said these three words to you and meant them: FOCUS ON ME.

...run naked down our street holding hands with an invisible Bob Hope...

GOD HELP ME HANNAH MONTANA.

I was asked to provide my inhaler which in all truth was lost in a bar somewhere in North Dakota in 1993. Don't ask.

Hitting a patient is wrong.

I do expect at least six of you to volunteer for puppy adoption. Hear me? SIX OF YOU.

I bet your husband drinks a lot.

As I helped Mr. Phallica walk with a walker, he used his elbow to squeeze my right 'bosom' tightly.
"Your wife wouldn't like that," I scolded him.
"If you gonna put it out there..." and he added a chicken wing movement.
"Time to weigh, Harry." A large nurse waddled by.
"With or without the hard-on?" He grinned at her blush.
"What the hell? Let's see what you got today." I patted his back as we continued our stroll up the rainbow hallway.

1 comment:

Tisha Sharp said...

Other than being nominated for the Oscars (in my sleep, of course) I am HONORED TO BE MENTIONED on this fantastic blog. Did I mention you smell GREAT TODAY? And look mah-valous?
Thanks, sugar, for the 'props' and 'credict'.