TOP TEN WIKILEAKS SURPRISES

Top Ten WikiLeaks Surprises

10. Angela Merkel secretly likes it when George W. Bush rubs her shoulders after a hard day at the summit

9. Hillary Clinton can never remember the name of that one dude from Kazakhstan. You know, the guy with the fez or the keffiyeh or the sarong or whatever.

8. Muammar Khadafi likes to feel pretty on the weekends

7. Vladimir Putin spends thirty hours a week looking at LOL cats

6. Fidel Castro really hates the U.S.

5. In May of 2009, Canada was six hours away from launching a full scale land invasion of Megan Fox before a settlement was reached for her to not star in any more Transformers movies

4. Belgium will waterboard it's own citizens after three unpaid parking tickets

3. Burmese Strongman Than Shwe has the worst garlic breath

2. Iran just wants to be held

And the number one WikiLeaks surprise...

1. Jimmy Carter once shanked a man over access to the Suez Canal

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/7/10)

And the alternates...

Bill Clinton still has a top secret Russian nurse who handles all of his medicine

Mobutu Sese Seko can hang ten with Tom Hanks in Malibu on the righteous waves

The Kardashians are talentless hacks

The 'h' in Kathmandu is not silent

Sarah Palin is actually an Oxford-trained economist who just acts dumb so she will appeal to real Americans