TOP TEN SIGNS IT IS CHRISTMAS IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA

Top Ten Signs it is Christmas in Phoenix, Arizona

10. Stockings hung by the chimichanga with care

 9. No room at the inn, baby Jesus has to be born at the Circle K

 8. Bad little boys and girls get a lump of peyote

 7. When Santa hoists his bag of gifts, it is a dry heave

 6. Mormon elves on mission from North Pole Tabernacle

 5. Mrs. Claus making venison tamales

 4. Border Patrol dispatched to Isthmus of Misfit Toys

 3. Eggnog tastes suspiciously like mezcal-and-Sprite

 2. 4X4 sleigh with a twelve-inch lift kit

And the number one sign it is Christmas in Phoenix, Arizona...

 1. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your fully automatic assault antlers lit so bright, won't you clear I-10 tonight?"

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/23/18)

TOP TEN SIGNS IT IS HANUKKAH IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA

Top Ten Signs it is Hanukkah in Phoenix, Arizona

10. Kids spin fully automatic assault dreidel made of clay

 9. Bubbe serves gefilte tamales

 8. Manischewitz has a worm in the bottom of the bottle

 7. Why is tonight different than any other night? It is not 117°F in the shade.

 6. Sufganiyot tastes suspiciously like a tortilla stuffed with manteca 

 5. Mormonides comes down from Utah to read the Torah

 4. Half the gelt are pesos

 3. Combo plate includes: refried latkes, carne Masada tacos, and kosher carnitas

 2. Family only has enough peyote for one night, but it lasts for eight

And the number one sign it is Hanukkah in Phoenix, Arizona...

 1. Mohel cuts off the end of your chimichanga 

-Jason Rohrblogger (12/9/18)