TOP TEN GINGER SPICE CAREER MOVES

Top Ten Ginger Spice Career Moves

10. Finally marry Yoko Ono, forget what the rest of the band says about her.

9. Die in a fiery, drug-related, accident now that she is on the threshold of mega stardom.

8. Host a late-night talk radio advice show opposite Dr. Laura, urge
suicidally lonely to: "accesorize more."

7. Figure out want she wants, what she really, really wants.

6. More Taco Bell commercials with that hilarious Chihuahua!

5. Sell Ginko-Biloba nutritional supplements on the Home Shopping Network, put her picture on the front, claim they have "30% more Ginger!"

4. Plan the Spice Girls Fall reunion tour.

3. Write much anticipated autobiography with pithy title like: "Spice of Life."

2. Replace Linda McCartney in Wings.

And the number one Ginger Spice career move...

1.Prepare Nobel Prize acceptance speech, wait for October.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/01/98)

TOP TEN O.J. SIMPSON JOB OFFERS

Top Ten O.J. Simpson Job Offers

10. Knife sharpener, Cutlery Barn in the mall.

9. Poster Boy, "How To Character Assassinate Yourself Society"

8. Golf Pro, Soweto Links, Johannesburg, South Africa

7. Image consultant to Klaus von Bulow

6. National Spokesperson, "Benevolent Paternal Order of the Scott Free"

5. Lead shoe salesman, Bruno Magli, Beverly Hills

4. Chief butcher, Hormel, Cincinatti, OH

3. Marriage counselor, Blue Hills, Kentucky

2. Host of Fox's shock show: "World's Deadliest Boyfriends V: When Husbands Attack!"

And O.J. Simpson's number one job offer...

1. Dictator for life, Uganda.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/26/98)

TOP TEN SPACE STATION MIR EXCUSES

Top Ten Space Station MIR Excuses

10. Cutting edge structure designed by sophisticated Russian engineering. Engine built by Ford.

9. Shuttle service provided by Delta.

8. Former Soviet Union fell apart at the seams, too.

7. Not upholstered in rich Corinthian leather.

6. Too much space, not enough station.

5. Cosmonauts jammed a paper clip into the sensitive satellite
communications array to get free HBO.

4. Nothing has worked the same since that Thunder Alley drag race against the NASA Space Shuttle.

3. Didn't build station to archaic metric specifications, used alien
hieroglyphics instead.

2. Switched fine coffee normally served in the galley with Folger's
Crystals.

And the number one space station MIR excuse...

1. Ran out of potato vodka.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(04/24/98)

TOP TEN MONICA LEWINSKY PET PEEVES

Top Ten Monica Lewinsky Pet Peeves

10. Leaders of the Free World who act like they don't know you.

9. Knowing your Prom Date is probably hitting on Chelsea at Stanford right now.

8. When Ken Starr thinks he is the boss of you.

7. Having to hand all of your allowance right over to your lawyer.

6. When the prize in your Happy Meal is a listening device.

5. Secret Service Agents who don't know when to keep service secret.

4. Donna Karan still hasn't come out with a Spring line of berets.

3. "Wings" just won't sound the same now that Linda McCartney is gone.

2. White House photographers with nothing better to do.

And Monica Lewinsky's number one pet peeve...

1. Hillary thinks she's all hot just because she lives in the White House, well she's not!

Jason Rohrblogger
(04/21/98)