TOP TEN TITANIC SEQUELS

Top Ten Titanic Sequels

10. Hindenburg: A Love Story (Includes hit song: O The Humanity)

9. Donner Pass! A Couple Consumed With Passion

8. Meet Me In Pompeii!! (The Musical)

7. I Left My Heart In Nagasaki

6. Honeymoon On The Space Shuttle Columbia

5. Love On The Rocks: The TWA Flight 800 Story

4. Valentine on Mt. Vesuvius

3. I've Got A Chicago Fire In My Heart

2. My Favorite Holocaust

And the number one Titanic Sequel...

1. Titanic II: Jack's Back (And this time it's...blah, blah, blah)

-Jason Rohrblogger
(04/21/98)

TOP TEN ITEMS ON LEONARDO DICAPRIO'S "TO DO" LIST

Top Ten Items on Leonardo DiCaprio's "To Do" List

10. Sign lucrative three year deal to star in six Squeeg-O-Matic
infomercials

9. Rehab

8. Set up Leo D's Psychic Chat Hot Phone

7. Host late night Crossdressing Variety Hour on the WB as "Lady Di" Caprio

6. Star in every Jerry Bruckheimer film from now until his early death next month at age 33

5. More Taco Bell ads with that hilarious Chihuahua

4. Three words: start a band

3. Cut a wide and self-destructive path through the heart of every young woman he meets

2. Finally get off his duff and join the Navy

And the number one thing on Leonardo DiCaprio's "things to do" list...

1. Win Oscar

-Jason Rohrblogger
(04/24/98)

TOP TEN PRODUCTS IN DEVELOPMENT AT KRAFT

Top Ten Products in Development at Kraft

10. A cookie that is harmless to children, but toxic to elves

9. A TV dinner with a built in disposable TV

8. A silicon based non-dairy grated Permesan cheese substitute with the shelf-life of styrofoam and the flavor of sand

7. Artificial parsley

6. Tofurkey: Thanksgiving style tofu

5. A just-add-water dry breakfast cereal that makes its own "milk"

4. Macaroni and Sneeze: The first self-defense entree, macaroni laced with mace

3. Colorful gelatin bears made of bean curd paste

2. My First Buzz: a sweet, low alcohol (.05%), version of Kool Aid

And the number one project in development at Kraft...

1. T.A.P.! Himalayan Spring snowmelt specially collected and bottled then treated to taste like urban tap water

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/26/98)

TOP TEN CAR RENTAL AGENT PICKUP LINES

Top Ten Car Rental Agent Pick-Up Lines

10. I'll upgrade your compact to a full-size

9. Is that a Loss Damage Waiver in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

8. You've got a Premium Class body at Economy Class rates!

7. What's a nice girl like you doing with Supplemental Liability Insurance like this?

6. Return here often?

5. I'm sorry, you're too hot for a non-smoking car

4. If you pull your top down, I'll fill your tank

3. Yeah, but my turn around time is five minutes or less

2. When I'm done with you, you'll Express Return

And the number one car rental agent pick-up line...

1. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you let me buff it to a keen shine?

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/26/98)

TOP TEN, LIKE, THINGS

Top Ten, Like, Things

10. Stuff

9. Junk

8. That one whatchamacallit

7. Doohickey

6. Quintessence

5. Gizmo

4. Thingy

3. Gimcrack

2. Folger's Crystals

And the number one, like, thing...

1. Whatever

-Jason Rohrblogger and Mickmastor
(06/27/04)

TOP TEN REJECTED STANDARD EQUIPMENT ON ALL 2007 VEHICLES

Top Ten Rejected Standard Equipment Options On All 2007 Vehicles

10. Wall to wall Velcro

9. 7.5 lb. tow package

8. Tainted windows

7. Spiked upholstery for masochists

6. Shroud of Tourin' sunshades

5. Coal powered turbo charged steam driven 8-track player

4. Bi-focal prescription windshield

3. 50,000 Kilowatt dome light

2. Bumper-mounted child safety seat

And the number one rejected standard equipment option on all 2007 vehicles...

1. Factory installed dashboard Jesus

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/28/98)

TOP TEN EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE

Top Ten Exceptions to the Rule

10. During takeoff and landing

9. Not while I'm eating

8. Only during leap year

7. Once, in college

6. If the French will agree

5. During wartime and Mardi Gras

4. If it's raining

3. When the moon is in the second house and Jupiter aligns with Mars

2. While intoxicated

And the number one exception to the rule...

1. Never on a Sunday

-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/10/04)