IN MEMORIUM

Ten Rodney Dangerfield One-Liners

10. "I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'"

9. "When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."

8. "When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."

7. "Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'"

6. "When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."

5. "I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."

4. "When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."

3. "When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's."

2. "With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."

1. "With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."

Godspeed on your way to the Great Gig in the Sky...

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/06/04)