TOP TEN GARY CONDIT EXCUSES

Top Ten Gary Condit Excuses

10. Thought he was having an affair with a BIC Disposable Intern.

9. Had Chandra Levy killed because "...bitch didn't have my money."

8. Just wanted to emulate his two heroes: Clinton and O.J.

7. Somehow got involved in a bizarre sex-for-hostages-for-arms-to-Iran scheme.

6. Always seems to have trouble with the girls pimped by Jesse Helms.

5. Couldn't care less about Chandra Levy, worried National Enquirer will find out about his affairs with Meg Ryan and Nicole Kidman.

4. Was sick of seeing his good name associated with campaign finance reform.

3. Slept with intern to cover up his fetish for flaming hairless French poodles.

2. Hit man missed and assassinated his character, not his wife.

And the number one Gary Condit excuse...

1. Couldn't stand to see that bitch, Clinton, getting all the scandal press.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/04/01)