TOP TEN JABBA THE HUTT NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

Top Ten Jabba The Hutt New Year's Resolutions

10. Return ThighMaster for full refund.

9. Finally come out to mom and dad at the all-Hutt cotillion.

8. Have Lewis Carroll ghostwrite autobiography, Jabbawocky.

7. Attack queen in chess-by-mail game with Boba Fett.

6. Sue Pizza Hut, Sunglass Hut, and Timothy Hutton for copyright infringement.

5. Learn bass line to Louie Louie: start all-slug band.

4. Finally build that patio deck he's been talking about.

3. Kill next joker who mistakenly refers to him as a "Jawa."

2. Use cool carbon freezing machine to make Bantha-size novelty popsicles.

And the number one Jabba the Hutt New Year's resolution...

1. Finally work up the guts to ask out Kirsty Alley.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(01/11/99)