TALIBAN STARTER KIT

Taliban Starter Kit
So you say you want a Revolution?
Avoid these common mistakes on your road to Hell...

YOU WORSHIP:
GOOD: Allah
BETTER: Hitler
BAD: Bill Gates

YOUR SECT:
GOOD: Sunni
BETTER: Shi'ite
BAD: Webelo

YOUR GOAL:
GOOD: Punish infidels
BETTER: Worldwide ethnic cleansing
BAD: Convert Paris Hilton to Islam

YOU WERE KICKED OUT OF:
GOOD: Prison
BETTER: Iraq
BAD: Weight Watchers

YOU ARE ANGERED BY:
GOOD: Occupation of Palestine
BETTER: Endemic marginalization of Muslim values
BAD: John Travolta's last three movies

YOU WENT TO SCHOOL AT:
GOOD: University of Cairo
BETTER: Riyadh Seminary
BAD: UC Humboldt

YOUR WORK HAS BEEN PRAISED BY:
GOOD: Carlos the Jackal
BETTER: Kim Jong-il
BAD: Ebert & Roeper

YOU WANT TO LIBERATE:
GOOD: Mecca
BETTER: Palestine
BAD: Jenna Bush

YOUR CADRE:
GOOD: Mujahideen
BETTER: Hezbollah
BAD: Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rollah

YOU EAT:
GOOD: Wild mountain goat
BETTER: The flesh of your ememies
BAD: Wasabi salmon en croute avec beurre blanc

YOU WANT TO LIVE:
GOOD: Hiding in the caves of Afghanistan
BETTER: Fighting along side your Mujahideen brothers
BAD: Adrble 2+2 crftsmn charmer w/ grt vu

YOU WANT TO DIE:
GOOD: With a handful of Cyanide in a burned-out bunker
BETTER: In a hail of U.S. missile fire
BAD: At the Chateau Marmont under a pile of coke and hookers

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/15/01)