TOP TEN SIGNS YOU WORK IN A BAD OFFICE

Top Ten Signs You Work in a Bad Office

10. 401K statements look suspiciously like lottery tickets

9. Three words: clothing-optional Fridays

8. Daycare facilities provided by Neverland Ranch Child Services

7. Steady flow of co-workers leaving to take jobs at local suppository testing lab

6. Office holiday party entertainment: Vanilla Ice

5. Sensitivity training seminars involve fishnet stockings and a riding crop

4. Male employees favor spiked collars in lieu of ties

3. In a cost-cutting move, management replaces your computer monitor with an Etch-a-Sketch

2. Hammocks strung from cubicles so commuting doesn't cut into overtime

And the number one sign you work in a bad office...

1. Company president is on a first-name basis with the reporters from "60 Minutes"

-Jason Rohrblogger and Ken Bloggerts
(04/02/05)

And the alternates...

Floating holidays have to actually be taken on a boat
The head stylist is Kenneth Lay and the head accountant is Martha Stewart
Fine coffee normally served is replaced with crack cocaine
Each floor has a Twelve-Jumpers-or-Less express window
Fax machine is really just a homeless guy making drunken modem noises
Boss always insisting you "get a haircut" and you are bald
Can't get that "old man smell" out of the boardroom
IT Department just upgraded to smoke signals and cave paintings
The only perks are coming from the coffee machine
Office pool covers who will get the next intern pregnant
All members of office softball team test positive for steroids, beer, and herpes
Women's restroom has a silver pole and coconut body spray
"Mad Dog" from HR tattoos your performance review to your forehead
Boss seeking internal candidates to fill "Assistant Crack Whore" position
Time clocks used to access rest rooms
Company president always wearing strange-looking ankle bracelet