Top Ten Words I Just Made Up...
10. Croilingen
9. Splick
8. Crace
7. Frithericky
6. Spraniff
5. Philognerosis
4. Zotlesterate
3. Nimp
2. Pleppic
And the number one word I just made up...
1. Dymlographoid
-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/04/98)
I love me some forwarded e-mail spam. Here now are the...
Top Ten Words Women Use
10. FINE! - This is one of two f-words women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how another woman looks, as this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
9. FIVE MINUTES - If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
8. NOTHING - This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine!"
7. GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
6. GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "raised eyebrow go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "nothing" and "fine" and she will talk to you in about "five minutes" when she cools off.
5. LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud ligh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing."
4. THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
3. THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
2. THANKS ALOT - This is much different from "thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "loud sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only tell you "nothing."
And the number one word women use...
1. WHATEVER - Is a woman's way of saying "*!#@ YOU!"
-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/26/06)
All hail Spicy Pants! She featured my friend Eric Edwards nicely in one of her posts and totally promoted Eric's show. A tip o' the hat and a big, sloppy HTML kiss to Celebrity Smack for sharing the blog love!
I like my pants like I like my Bloody Marys: Spicy!
Rohrblogger out...
Top Ten Signs Ronald Reagan Is Dead
10. Jody Foster seen canoodling with John Hinckley at Skybar
9. National airport can finally hire some air traffic controllers
8. Bush now offering arms-for-hostages in Iraq
7. Current editions of Star Wars initiative are way lousier than the original
6. Nancy ascends the throne
5. Maggie Thatcher ultimately tells little Wilson Thatcher who his real father is
4. Alexander Haig makes one final desperate grasp for power
3. His stuffed horse, Trigger, is put on display in the Reagan Library
2. The fine Jelly Bellies normally served are replaced with Folger's Crystals
And the number one sign that Ronald Reagan is dead...
1. Emboldened, Grenada renews the offensive. France Surrenders.
-Jason Rohrblogger
(07/13/04)
And the alternates...
Evil curse on the Supreme Court is lifted
Economics no longer trickling down
Finance faculty at MIT now offering Doctorate in Reaganomics
Stock in Depends plummets
Top Ten Annoying Suffixes
10. -o-rama.
9. -adelic
8. -u-wait
7. -alicious.
6. -o-matic.
5. -arrific.
4. -action.
3. -o-vision.
2. -inator.
And the number one annoying suffix...
1. -califragilisticexpialidocious.
-Jason Rohrblogger and Bourbon Cowboy
(07/28/98)
And the alternates...
-a-thon
-palooza
-gate
Top Ten IRA Splinter Groups
10. Sons of the Ancient Fraternal Paternal Maternal Sisterhood of the
Familial Reference
9. Blue Ülster Cult
8. Keepers of the Lewinsky: Lifters of the Kilt
7. The Order of Fries
6. All-Volunteer United Guild of Drunken Hooligans
5. Alliteration of Papist Populist Propagandists
4. Secret Society of Mysterious Riddles Wrapped in Puzzling Enigmas
3. Faction Jackson
2. The Sissy Brigade
And the number one IRA splinter group...
1. The Perpetrators of Instigation Starter Squad
-Jason Rohrblogger
(08/20/98)
Top Ten Things Found In Elton John's Purse
10. Note from Gianni Versace, "Call me we'll do lunch."
9. Note from Princess Di, "Call me, let's go shopping."
8. Note from George Michael, "I'm still alive, meet me at the park."
7. Novelty key chain: "51% angel, 49% bitch!"
6. A shake-it-up-and-watch-it-snow Betty Ford Center
5. Extra fringe
4. A matching set of striped leg warmers and a headband. (Sorry, that was found in Olivia Newton John's purse)
3. An unused pass to Nautilus Swim 'n Fitness
2. Vial of Minoxodil, prescription for Viagra, hot pink lipstick
And the number one thing found in Elton John's purse...
1. A four foot by four foot eyeglass case
-Jason Rohrblogger
(06/28/98)
Whoo, I say, and also: Hoo! I am Single of the Week! Boo-YAH! S.O.W., baby! Check out Grins n' Laughter's Top Ten Reasons Jason is Single of the Week. First and foremost, I'd like to thank Allah. And I gotta give a shout out to my boy Vishnu. I'd also like to thank the blogosphere, HTML, and the Firefox browser. And last but not least, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for Grins n' Laughter. Little known fact y'all: in 1997 she toured with W. Axl Rose for the summer as Grins n' Roses.
That's right, laydeez, I am single.
The fact that Grins pointed it out as a Top Ten List earns her ten extra points for style. Thanks again for the blog love...
Rohrblogger out!
Top Ten Donald Rumsfeld Excuses
10. Had to ratchet up the pressure on detainees when they wouldn't break under his withering contempt.
9. A little murder never killed anybody.
8. Just as in Egyptian times...the security of the Free World depends on naked human pyramids.
7. All of the Harvard trained prison guards were busy. Had to use prison guards from the University of White Trash.
6. Would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.
5. Thought Abu Ghraib pictures would be a big seller like that Paris Hilton video.
4. Merely letting the Iraqi detainees enjoy the sodomy that American prisoners enjoy stateside.
3. Was too busy gutting the Constitution to pay much attention to Iraq.
2. Thought they were only replacing the fine coffee normally served with Folger's Crystals.
And the number one Donald Rumsfeld excuse...
1. Mistook the Geneva Convention for a gathering of Trekkies.
-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/22/04)
And the alternates...
In 1933 in Berlin, Eugenicists proved that Brown People can't feel pain.
Thought sight of naked men would out that bitch Powell.
They shoot hostages, don't they?
Was inviting the victims to join Skull & Bones.
Lonely guards paid Rumsfeld two cartons of smokes to "have a little fun with the fish."
Heard Bush order him to "get some." Missed the key word "information."
When confronted by Bush, Rumsfeld blurted out, "I learned it from watching you!"
Thought the sexual humiliation was consensual.
What are a few war crimes among our good friends, the Iraqis?
Felt bad that Lynndie England didn't have a date to the Abu High Prom.
