Thursday, August 28, 2008


Most menus read like they were written in a hyperbolic chamber. Herewith are my...

Top Ten Menu Descriptions of Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten

10. Sarcasm-covered sarcasm with a creamy sarcasm filling

9. Hand-battered funny on a bed of list

8. Beechwood-aged references sauced with smoked irrelevance and sage-barley stupidity

7. Organic California-grown social commentary rolled in pun crumbs

6. Pan-seared politics encrusted with five peppercorniness

5. Medallions of premise stuffed with sweet punch- and tag-lines en croute

4. Marinated pop-culture drizzled with wood-fired obscurity

3. Wit-cured salted offensiveness dished family-style

2. Fine humor normally served replaced with Folger's Crystals. Let's see if anyone notices.

And the number one menu description of Jason Rohrblogger's Top Ten...

1. Maplewood rosettes of wacky topped with jumbo Arizona gags, laced with smoked opacity and covered with a rosemary and olive oil grilled laugh chop, and a pineapple bread-crusted fillet of acerbity, presented with a side of creamy comedy polenta and bathed with an oven-roasted apple and cinnamon farce reduction of percipience bordelaise

-Grand Chef Rohrblogger


Rindy said...

It all sounds so delicious. But I must say, you left out one important part of Pretentious Menuspeak: chutney. WHERE IS THE MISCELLANEOUS CHUTNEY?

Larry Litle said...

I see someone has been basking in Rachel Ray. Great list.

Jason Rohrblogger said...

Here you go...

11. Pine nut infused jocularity terrine with clarified beurre blanc guffaw pate rolled in a looney chutney

Joboo said...

I once had a flare up of tag-lines en croute. It took weeks for the rash to go away.