TOP TEN METRIC PERVERSIONS

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Top Ten Metric Perversions

10. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

9. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

8. Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

7. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

6. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

5. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

4. Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

3. 1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

2. Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

And the number one metric perversion...

1. Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

-Jason Rohrblogger
(10/14/07)

And the alternates...

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
365.25 days: 1 unicycle
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations:1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1
I.V. League
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope