Thursday, December 13, 2007


Top Ten Most Annoying Songs Ever

10. Electric Boogie - Marcia Griffiths
This song has the irritating Electric Slide line dance that goes with it, is played at EVERY wedding, and includes the lyrics, "jiggle-a-mesa-cara" which as far as I can tell translates as "jiggle a table face." The Electric Boogie is the trifecta of annoying.

9. Who Let the Dogs Out? - Baha Men
Indeed, who? At least there is no "doggy dance" trotted out at every reception for this one. Although it appears to be federal law that it be played at EVERY sporting event at least once. The main refrain includes actual barking. Can't we put this song to sleep?

8. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
You have to respect lyrics that describe "lumps" as "lady" and "lovely" and advocate accepting gifts from multiple men, but still not allowing them to "do it on the daily." This is the theme song for every suburban proto kinderwhore aspiring to be a frigid ghetto princess. Who just wants to, you know, dance.

7. The Reason - Hoobastank
Like many songs on this list, it was fun the first 1.5 million times. Then. It. Got. Old. Doug Robb's whiny wailing and repetitive "and the reason is you" makes me want to not be a perfect person and do many things I wish I didn't do.

6. There for You - Rembrandts
Unlike the other songs on the list, this one has an annoying television show that goes with it and includes the second verse lyrics "No one could ever know me/No one could ever see me." If only that were true.

5. Fergalicious - Fergie
Stacy Ferguson's second appearance here! She clearly puts my list on rock, rock. She uses her time at the mike to inform us that A)"I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy." B)"My body stay vicious" and C)"It's so tasty, tasty, it'll make you crazy." Good to know, Stacy. I'm still waiting for a white female rapper with, uh, talent.

4. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
BRC sings us a list of what you can tell to whom. But you can't tell his heart because it won't understand. I must admit that my internal circulatory organs also have trouble deciphering spoken messages. This song is responsible for every urban cowdouche in boots lining up to kick airshit on the dance floor. Mr. Cyrus, you've taken the Most Annoying Billy title away from Messrs. Carter and Clinton...

3. La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin
"She'll take away your pain like a bullet to your brain. Come On!" Come on, if I have to choose between hearing this song again or the bullet...

2. It's a Small World - Robert and Richard Sherman
This proves that, no matter where people come from, they have something in common: we all despise this song. Thanks, Disney. There's no world small enough.

And the number one most annoying song ever...

1. Macarena - Los Del Rio
This song and its accompanying choreography should be banned by the Geneva Convention as overtly cruel. I wouldn't inflict this on Osama Bin Laden. Watching middle-aged women invade the dance floor, put their hands behind their head, and dry hump the air is enough to make me want to take an Electric Slide to my testicles. I blame it all on (Los Del) Rio.

-Jason Rohrblogger


Atomic Bombshell said...

This is me giving you a standing ovation. This stuff just had to be said, and I'm glad that I'm not the only one who finds Fergie's Humps completely repulsive.

Jason Rohrblogger said...

My first standing O(vation)! Thanks for, um, hating Humps as much as I do!

Anonymous said...

Your genius is surpassed only by your remarkable insight! The only title missing is Basket Case by Green Day.

Jason said...

I can't believe that YMCA didn't make the cut!