TOP TEN SIGNS DARCY IS TURNING FIFTY

Top Ten Signs Darcy is Turning Fifty

10. Now plays hockey with a cane

9. Then: Wine, women, and song
Now: Diet Coke, the old lady, and TV

8. Hot tub filled with Metamucil

7. Has to limit himself to one kid every ten years

6. Then: Proud Son of the Tundra earning worthless Canadian dollars
Now: Smog-sucking GuadaLaHabran earning worthless American dollars

5. Has to wait two or three hours before he can high-stick again

4. Leaves drool and gum marks on all the See's Candy

3. Then: Wore an athletic supporter under his hockey uniform to guard against any accidents
Now: Wears Depens under his hockey uniform to guard against any accidents

2. Really misses Sanka, Ethyl gasoline, and typewriters

And the number one sign Darcy is turning fifty...

1. Can't remember where he shot his puck

-Jason Rohrblogger
(12/04/07)