Monday, January 14, 2008

TOP TEN ITEMS IN THE 1977 JC PENNEY CATALOG THAT I AM NOT MAKING UP

Today's post was stolen wholesale from 15 Minute Lunch.

Top Ten Items in the 1977 JC Penney Catalog that I am Not Making Up




10. My new dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels.




9. Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom...




8. Here is how to get your ass kicked in elementary school.




7. Here is how to get your ass kicked in high school.




6. How to get your ass kicked on the golf course.


This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it is slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rape.

5.
If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he does not, although you can tell just by looking at them that it has happened - or if it has not happened it will. Oh yes, it will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

4.
If you wear this suit and do not sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you would be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

3.
Dear god in heaven, I do not believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you are working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

2. In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.


As does your search for chest hair.

And the number one item in the 1977 JC Penney catalog that I am not making up...

1.
I am guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(01/13/08)

And the alternates...

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I am guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?







And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."


Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits.


Man, that is sexy.

16 comments:

Atomic Bombshell said...

My day at the office sucked until this popped up in my feed reader. Bless you, Jason... HIGH-LARIOUS! Great find.

Adrian said...

This is my FAVORITE post ever!!! You go girl!

Malaniad said...

1. I have actually seen grown adult men(seniors) wearing one piece out fits as pictured (not the same color)- shudder-

2. Free time spent perusing old J.C. Penny catalogs...pricless.

Danika said...

Jason. That "high school" kid in the blue suit with the striking flesh-coloured shirt looks EXACTLY LIKE YOU. You are soooo in denial if you didn't notice the resemblence. It's okay if it is you - you were young, I'm sure you needed the money.

Cindy said...

JASON...I totally agree with Danika. Lindsey K and I were looking at those pictures together and we said the same exact thing. Wow, I did not know you were a model. and you still have those glasses! There are pictures of me in them!!!!!! BOO YAH!

Jennifer said...

Too funny! Thanks for sharing!!!!
Hope all is well with you! We're all doing fine here!
Take care!!

TheMiddaughs said...

This was so damn funny. Hilarious! My favorite was the after the loving one ... now I have that !@##ing song in my mind.

Can I make a request?

Please do a Tom Cruise $cientology one!!!! This cracked me up this morning :)

Have the best day ever

Alissa said...

Thanks Jason! I was laughing my ass off. I will bookmark your blogspot and check out some of the others every now and then (save them kind of) when I need a little boost. :) Too funny! Hope all is well.
xoxo

Malania said...

The flashbacks!!!!

- I have actually seen grown adult (senior) men wearing such jumpsuits...although not quite in that shade......

- Using your free time to peruse old J.C.Penny Catologs....pricless...

- Spending too much time in pubs...the Barrel furniture actually looked fun!

Best Wishes for the New Year...

Theresa said...

Jason I am wiping the tears away after laughing out loud at that one...you are hilare.
You didn't make up those comments, did you!? Damn...I guess that's what the "wholesale" bit means...

Well, I gave you credit as I forwarded it to my girlfriends...

jkrisa said...

I don't know what would make you think that I would find this funny.

Ellen said...

Ok Jason, now that my gut hurts from laughing so hard I might have to take a valium to come down form that 70's high. You are soooo funny! You should write a top 10 book......think about it! Hope all is well.

Kevin said...

Now that is funny stuff.

I have a collection of Sears wish books from 1963-1971. There are some true gems in there as well…

Thanks!

~ KB

splbergfan said...

That was some funny stuff!

tearas said...

Too true! Only an oldie but goodie like me would remember that was high fashion then. What WERE we thinking??? I must have been ahead of the trend because in 1975 I made us outfits to wear to a wedding: Tom's was a beige polyester leisure suit with beige floral print shirt and pointy collar and beige tie out of the suit material. My beige floral print long dress was made to match his shirt. We were stylin'! I'm sorry you missed all that...Upon closer examination, I think that's Tom on the left side of the cover! Now to chase down his royalty checks...

Jason Rohrblogger said...

Danika and Cindy,

I needed the money to pay for my bitchen Camaro...