Saturday, September 06, 2008

TOP TEN WORST ALBUM COVERS OF ALL TIME REDUX

Top Ten Worst Album Covers of All Time Redux

Awhile back I published this list and it has remained VERY popular. I get 20 to 30 hits a day just for this post. So...I am doing what every media outlet does when they have a hit, I am reissuing it over and over. This time with my snarky remarks...

10.

Um, you know you have a problem when the MEN in your family are better looking than the women.


9.

Wally? She doesn't care. At least, she didn't care last night when we were listening to MY album.

8.

I don't know if this is supposed to appeal to men or women, but I do know this: he wouldn't know what to do with either of them.

7.

Why do the sweaters have scoop necks if the shirts don't have open collars? And is your church held in a barn? Cuz that would be cool.

6.

Was the studio out of razors? Why are three of these guys smiling? What's going on under there? Wait, I don't want to know.

5.

You laugh, but I love her. She will be mine. Oh, yes. She. Will. Be. Mine.

4.

If I was making an album about the loss of every single one of my friends, I would want it put out by the "Rainbow" record company, too. Nobody knows loss and death like those Rainbow guys.

3.

Ah, Ken, I actually like your suit. But I have a request: can the Broyhill carpet guy that installed your shag be shot?

2.

Where to start, Dave? The unfortunate placement of the word "Zap?" The fact that your master has lashed you to a turntable? Your juicy mullet? You know, leather pants are a privilege, Dave, not a right. And Michael Jackson called, he wants his shirt back.


And the number one worst album cover of all time...

1.

It's hard to be more gay than the Village People, and they were TRYING to be gay. And your song "All Men Play on 10?" Well your absolute gayness goes to 11.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(5/12/07)

And the alternates...



So many completely inappropriate jokes, so little bandwidth. Insert your own threesome, hot Braille-on-Braille action, or Bouffant-fetish gag here.


You're God's child? Because you look like a carbon-copy of the nimrod standing next to you.


I thought Joyce (above) had a lock on the rose-and-bad-eyewear look. And "Heino" is the sound I involuntarily make when I look at you.


Looks like one of these Crusaders invaded the drive-thru at Taco Bell. He worships the Burger King of Kings.


Well, Jim, you LOOK like you love your life.


The miracle isn't that she can still play the organ with no hands, it's that she can do it while looped on ecstasy. I don't know how I would handle it, though. I have to play my organ by hand every night.


You know who I feel for? The guy on the right. He's obviously gained ten pounds, and a second chin, since the suit fitting. And he can't hide his extreme sexiness behind glasses like the Clark Kents on the left. It's gotta suck to not fit in the spiritual daisy chain once the touching starts...


This guy is obviously a serial killer. You can see the lumpy bodies stacked up four-deep and covered in hay behind him. But with all the money to be cadged from dead-people's wallets, you'd think he could get some dental work done...


Look, I don't know if you are a cop or a robber, but you might want to LOAD THAT THING before you threaten me with it (or your jazz themes.) 'Nuff said.


Whatever John is saying, it took him half a beer and cigarette to work up the courage. My only request for Julie is: show me on the doll where John touched you.


You're welcome, Mike. You're welcome.

5 comments:

LGreget said...

Are we back to this one again...

"I have to play my organ by hand every night."

You could always take your room mates advice on this one, but I say, "NOT!".

Jack said...

Is "Heino" a man or a woman? Oh, wait. I don't want to know.

Atomic Bombshell said...

I posted a link to these on my blog back in 2004 (found them on PorkTornado) and they still make me laugh today. I can see why they're a hit here, too!

Jerome said...

just great !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gringo da parada

ken said...

#7: I'm pretty sure those mustaches were leased from David Crosby.