Saturday, March 06, 2010


Top Ten Awards Show Thank-you Speeches I'd Like to See

10. "Thank you New Beginnings Tucson for getting me cleaned up enough to be here tonight. You truly win 'Best Detox!'"

9. "Thanks to all the fan boys who sent my nude scene viral. That really is where my best talents lie."

8. " my ex-wife's attorney: this statue us worth $87.50 max, I've already checked."

7. "I'd like to thank my dealer. There is no way my post-natal ass would have been camera-ready otherwise..."

6. "And a big thank-you to the director for believing I could give the best handjob on the casting couch."

5. "I especially appreciate by fellow nominees for not being talented enough to compete with my performance this year."

4. "Finally: justification for the three years of jazz and five years of tap my mother made me take."

3. "This recognition is really for the special effects, lighting crew, and director who turned me from an unwatchable hack into a believable, sympathetic character for ninety minutes."

2. "...this is totally sweet! Kegger at Joey's mom's house after the show. Wes is bringing Jäger!"

And the number one awards show thank-you speech I'd like to see...

1. "Even though I am feuding with every last toxic person on the cast and crew, and will go out of my way never to speak with any one of you again...this award is for you!"

-Jason Rohrblogger

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