TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN A NOBEL PRIZE

Top Ten Signs You are not Going to Win a Nobel Prize

10. Your complete body of research documents how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop

9. Post-doctoral thesis: "The Effects of Grain Alcohol on Man's Ability to Identify Post-structuralist Internet Porn Signifiers Encoded in ASCII Text."

8. You openly declare that we can achieve peace in Belgium in our lifetime

7. No "killer abs" category

6. Whole foreign diplomacy experience is the ability to see Russia from your state

5. Insist on referring to physicist Robert Oppenheimer as Bobby "Boom Boom" McNukenheimer Smith

4. The Nobel Committee is using a tinfoil microphone implanted in your skull to steal all of your best ideas before you can get them published

3. Your hot tub-based time travel model, while theoretically possible, still has not resulted in your going back to 1986 to do burnouts in the Dairy Queen parking lot in a bitchen Camaro

2. You blame global warming on Megan Fox

And the number one sign you are not going to win a Nobel Prize...

1. Your entire contribution to world literature: one lame top ten list

-Jason Rohrblogger
(3/28/10)