TOP TEN GOVERNMENT DEMANDS ON MICROSOFT

Top Ten Government Demands On Microsoft

10. Microsoft be split up into two companies to keep the hot side hot and the cold side cold.

9. Bill Gates is to PUT DOWN the mouse, STEP AWAY from the keyboard, and COME OUT with his hands up!

8. One of the proposed "Baby Bills" be headed up by outgoing Russian president, Boris Yeltsin, who will create a new vodka-based operating system.

7. Steve Ballmer call off the race of giant squirrels threatening Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson.

6. Steve Jobs gets one free-throw at the Bill Gates Dunking Booth at the King County Fair.

5. If Microsoft reveals the Windows Source Code, the Justice Department will give every nerd a dollar.

4. Redmond, Washington be declared a separate and sovereign nation. Then we bomb it back to the Stone Age.

3. Bill Gates return the State Department laptop he stole with the Top Secret solution for Tetris on it.

2. Microsoft relinquish its Monopoly, admit it's Sorry, and get a Clue.

And the number one government demand on Microsoft...

1. This summer Bill Gates finally gets a haircut and gets a real job.

-Jason Rohrblogger
(05/08/00)